Page 85 of Tell Me Something

I had about twenty minutes before the medicine took effect and designated this time toward opening my mom’s gift and card. The card was incredibly sad. My mom had known she was dying when she wrote it and that we wouldn’t spend this Christmas together. It took three attempts before I finally got through it. God, how I missed my parents. Christmas hadn’t been the same for years without my father, but now that both of them were gone, the pain was overwhelming.

After opening the box from my mother, it took a moment for me to recognize what it was. The note with it confirmed that my mom had taken the stone from her diamond engagement ring put into a bezel setting. Earlier, she’d told me she’d had to sell it to pay bills. I figured I’d never see it again. I put the necklace on with trembling hands and buried my face in my pillow before letting the pill work its magic and floating off into a dreamless sleep.

I didn’t stir until nine o’clock the next morning. The problem with the sleeping pills was that you didn’t wake up rested. Instead you felt groggy and lethargic. I took a few minutes to check my email, to which I had replies from quite a few people.

I also had a text from Josh that simply said, “Merry Christmas.”

I texted him back, “Merry Christmas, Josh.”

And that was it. He was with his family. What else could I expect?

After taking a quick shower, I ate a bowl of cereal, downed a Diet Coke, and then settled back into bed. This time I’d take two pills. I’d never taken the max before, but I wanted to sleep for as long as possible and not wake up in the middle of the night. I lay back down, hearing the buzz of my phone a short while later but not able to coherently figure out if it was a text or a call. Drifting, my last thought was that it would have to wait.

WAS THAT JOSH’S VOICE? I must’ve been either dreaming or hallucinating. So this is what two pills did to someone? I wondered what time it was, but I couldn’t bring myself to lift my eyes open to check. So heavy. Jesus, now I was hearing Rafael the doorman’s voice while I felt myself being carried. I mumbled in my sleep to a dreamed-up Josh and was back out.

The next thing I knew, I had a light shining into each of my eyes. What the hell? And then a strange man’s voice and back to dreaming of Josh. My sheets felt extraordinarily soft, I thought, snuggling deeper into them and breathing in his scent. Never would I take two pills again; I was now dreaming of smells. And was someone saying my name?

“What?” I asked, not knowing if anyone answered. Then I heard my name again and felt a cool hand on my forehead and soft lips touching mine. Hmm, maybe I would take two pills always. I was kissing Josh, and suddenly I was snuggled up next to his hard body. Yes, definitely two pills from now on.

The third time I awoke, I managed to open my eyes and then promptly closed them again because I must still be dreaming. This wasn’t my room. Let’s try this again. Right eye open, left eye open, still not it. What the hell? I moved into a seated position and rubbed my eyes. Definitely not my room.

This room was big. I couldn’t tell what time of day it was because the large windows on one side had blackout shades drawn. I glanced over to the other side and saw a small, sleek alarm clock and focused: one-thirty. Was it am or pm?

My hands smoothed the sheets and I experienced deja vu from my dream, for they were the most luxuriously soft sheets I’d ever felt. The bed was massive. From what I could see, everything around me was in gray and blue hues. I needed a light and fumbled on the table for one before giving up. Feeling along the wall, I finally found a switch and shielded my eyes as a reading light shown down from over the headboard.

Okay, that was progress. So was the fact that I was still in my oversized T-shirt and workout shorts. I swung my legs over the side and looked down at the hardwood floors that gleamed. I tried to get on my feet but was still too unsteady.

“Hello?” I called out in a croaky voice. I was relieved when Josh opened the door.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked quietly. He came to sit next to me on the bed and searched my face.

“Groggy, but otherwise fine. Where am I?”

“My bedroom.”

I thought about the irony of finally being in his place only when passed out. “How did I get here?”

“I called Maria to find out which flight you were on, and she said you didn’t book through her. Then I called your old roommate, Angela, and she told me she received an email that you were staying in New York and having dinner with Gina. I called Gina— You get the picture.”

Oh, my God. Covering my face in my hands, I felt ashamed beyond belief.

“Don’t worry. I smoothed it over by calling them back and letting them know I had misunderstood and you were in Northern California with family friends.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

He rubbed my back and sighed. “Haylee, what happened? Were you ever traveling to California?”

Shaking my head, I tried to get a handle on my humiliation. “I just needed to be by myself. I didn’t want to go anywhere, but I also didn’t want everyone to worry about me. I hated to lie, but I needed to be alone.” I finally glanced at his face and realized what a mess I must look. “What time is it? What day?”

“It’s the twenty-sixth, and it’s one-thirty pm.”

“Well, that’s good, then. First Christmas down.” I was trying to play it cool and saw his temper the moment it ignited.

“Don’t you dare make light of it. I thought maybe you were trying to kill yourself. That maybe our argument coupled with the holidays might have pushed you over, and I wasn’t there for you when I should’ve been. Even my doctor who came to check on you said that with your history you should be talking with someone and shouldn’t have been left alone. I can’t believe I said the things I did to you right before the holidays. Once I found out you weren’t where you said you’d be and you didn’t answer your phone, I couldn’t get up here fast enough. I should’ve been your rock.”

My tears started falling.

Josh took a deep breath and took my hands.