Page 127 of Tell Me Something

I got up, flipped on my light, and took a shower. I sat back down on my bed. Three o’clock in the morning. Still three more hours until I needed to head to the airport.

The knock made me jump. When I opened up the door and saw Josh standing there, longing struck me hard and fast. I didn’t bother to fight what my body craved. Instead, I launched myself at him, pulling his head down for my wild kiss.

His initial reaction of shock turned into unbridled desire for me. He weaved his fingers into my hair and walked me into my apartment, kicking the door shut behind him.

I was anxious to feel his skin upon mine and frantically undressed him. His mouth was hungry, feasting on mine with a need that matched my own. We were desperate, like we’d been starved for one another. As soon as I stepped out of my panties, he lifted me up, giving me only enough time to wrap my legs around his waist before pinning me against the nearest wall. His arms held my hips in line with his, and then he was thrusting into me, my back against the hard surface.

“Oh, God,” I gasped, enjoying the carnal pleasure of being taken this way. My weight was completely supported by his strength as he pounded into me over and over. He angled himself, hitting just the right spot. My breathing stuttered, and my nails raked down his back as the orgasm took over. I clenched down, feeling his groan and the hot release deep inside of me moments later.

Instead of setting me back down on my feet, he carried me to the bed. I could feel him getting hard again as he lay me on my back and followed me down, all while staying inside of me. He lifted up to brush the hair from my face and then kissed me reverently.

Relentless in his lovemaking, he brought me to climax three more times during the next hour. As we lay there afterward, I could tell both our minds were on the ticking clock.

“I saw your light. I just wanted to tell you to have a safe trip.” His voice was low and husky.

“I wasn’t able to sleep,” I replied lamely.

“Anxious for your flight?”

I shook my head. “Honestly, I was thinking about you.”

Taking a deep breath, he stroked my back. “I put too much pressure on you with the announcement at the party. I was in the moment and went for it without conferring with you first about how you’d feel. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. You were only doing what you thought I wanted,” I said thickly.

“Sometimes I forget how young you are. You didn’t get a chance to enjoy your undergrad years, and this opportunity in law school is one that’s important. You need to figure out who you are and what you want. I was selfish in wanting you to change that.”

“You weren’t selfish, and you didn’t ask me to give up anything. Besides, I’m the one who told you I wanted more. I just didn’t pay attention when you started giving it to me.”

“I should’ve done it sooner.”

“I don’t think it would have mattered. You’re right about me being scared. But it’s hard to articulate it.”

“Give me something, Haylee. Anything. I’m trying to understand.”

I fought the tears. He didn’t deserve to think it was something he was doing or not doing. “I know you are.” I paused and then said the first thing that came to mind. “Since the death of my parents, I haven’t trusted happiness. I don’t know how.”

He hugged me tighter and took a few moments to process. “Tell me what I can do.”

“I guess I just need time to figure out if I can change that.”

“Time apart?”

I nodded sadly. “At least for the next couple of weeks.” I desperately wished that I could simply open my mind and reveal all of my overwhelming thoughts and fears. I had shared such a small piece because I didn’t understand it all myself. I could only hope my time in Australia would give me some clarity.

He held me for the next hour, and then we showered together, enjoying the last few minutes of cuddling before I needed to get ready.

He was silent while watching me dress and gather up my things.

When it came time to say goodbye, I felt the tears again.

He gave me a small smile and wiped under my eyes gently with his thumbs. “Enjoy your time with your family. I love you.”

“I love you too, Josh,” I whispered, leaning into him for one last kiss.

MY TWO-WEEK TRIP to Australia was good for me. I connected with the only family I had left and thoroughly enjoyed the vacation time. I came to the conclusion that I had a lot of unresolved feelings when it came to my parents’ deaths. Feelings of anger, guilt, and resentment plagued me, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with them, let alone admit those feelings to someone else. My confession to Josh had been a true statement: I didn’t trust in happiness. Worse, I didn’t know how to fix that belief. How did I shift my mindset? At this point, the answer completely eluded me.

While apart, I texted Josh daily to share what I was doing or send photos of the things I was seeing, such as Ayers Rock or the dolphins in the harbor. I didn’t say I missed him because I’d been the one to force this separation. The truth was that I missed him terribly and relished every time I heard from him.