Page 69 of Say My Name

On the twelfth morning, Elena comes into my office and closes the door. She keeps her phone in one hand and doesn’t sit. I know what the clinic told her.

“The clinic confirmed it,” she says, her voice so devoid of emotion it’s a performance. “It didn’t work.”

Disappointment lands somewhere in my chest and stays there. I knew the odds. The clinic made sure we understood them, and Elena made sure she understood every number twice.

I still wanted a different call, and she did too. Her thumb rubs hard across the edge of the phone case while she waits for me to answer.

I walk around the desk, then stop a few feet away. “What do you need?”

“Nothing.”

“You don’t have to give me something to do.”

Her eyes narrow. “What does that mean?”

“It means you don’t have to manage my reaction. Just be upset, if that’s what you are.”

She opens her mouth, then closes it and looks toward the glass wall, where people move through the executive floor on the other side.

Her gaze fixes on the glass wall. “I knew one attempt might not work.”

“So did I.”

“I was prepared.”

“I know.”

“You’re agreeing too easily.”

“Would you prefer I argue?” A corner of my mouth almost ticks up. It’s the kind of logical trap she’d set for someone else.

“No.” She presses her thumb against the edge of her phone case. “I’d rather have accurate expectations than spend the evening adjusting my own.”

She spent months learning every probability. The call still hurts. “It doesn’t help.”

“No.”

I want to pull her against me. After twelve days of giving her room, even comfort can become a way to make the decision for her.

“May I touch you?” I ask, the words feeling formal and inadequate after Saturday night.

Elena looks at me for a long second, then nods.

I draw her into my arms. She rests her forehead against my chest, and I hold her without telling her the next attempt will work or reducing her disappointment to a statistic.

Her hands settle lightly at my sides. When her fingers move against my shirt, I remember those same hands opening my belt.

I loosen my hold and wait for her to step back.

Elena steps back, but she doesn’t move away. “The second appointment is still on the calendar.”

“I blocked the time.”

“It’s tentative until monitoring confirms the date.”

“I’ll keep the window open.”

She nods and looks down at my tie. “You don’t want another clinical attempt.”