Page 37 of Ashes to Ink

“No, you tried to end it before, and we’re going to makesure it’s ended. Because you’re not alone this time. And I’m not just talkingabout me. You know that Thea, Adrienne, Dimitri, Shep,Shea, Mace, Landon, and even Kaylee will all be there for you. Roxie and Carterwill be there for you. I’m going to be there for you.”

“I don’t want them to get hurt.” Ryan stuffed his hands intohis pockets, and she shook her head, standing up so she could move around thecoffee table and be right next to him. She put her hand on his chest, soakingin the warmth of his skin and feeling the heartbeat beneath her palm.

“He’s not you. You can’t put what he does on you. You can’tput every single decision he’s ever made on yourself. You were a military kid,too. You had to learn how to deal with new situations and new people. And youdidn’t turn into a drug addict.”

“Abby.”

“No, it’s my turn. You didn’t fall into the abyss like him.And am I sad that he’s there? Yes. Because it hurts you. But he made his owndecisions. And, yes, you’ve tried to help him. Your parents tried to help him.It wasn’t enough. At least that’s what he thought. But you did everything youcould. And if you want to continue to help him, then go for it. But if you wantto try and protect yourself for the first time? Then do that. Because addictionis a disease, but at some point, the people around the addict have to take careof themselves as well.”

“He could have hurt you today.” There was such a growl inhis voice that Abby knew that this was one of the biggest parts of why he’dtried to push her away.

“No. Because you were there.”

“But he knew your name. That means he was watching youbefore.”

She held back a shiver and nodded. “And now the cops havehim. And I’m going to press charges. And maybe they’ll keep him locked away.But you were there, and I knew I wasn’t going to get hurt. Am I sad about whathappened in my shop today? Yes. Am I going to miss some money that I would havemade from that stuff? Yes, but I have insurance. And it’s just things. Believeme. With everything else going on. It’s just things.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Then don’t hurt me. Don’t put what your brother’s done onyourself. Just know that you’re not alone. I’m here. And I don’t want you towalk away. Don’t push me away, Ryan. Please.”

She was so afraid that he would tell her to go, to calmly saythat it was over between them.

She didn’t want it to be over. She wanted to know Ryanbetter. Wanted him in her life. This was so new, just the cusp of what it couldbe. But she was taking a chance on herself, taking a chance on them, and shedesperately wished he would take a chance as well.

And when he didn’t answer, she felt like the world wasfalling away beneath her, her stomach lurched, and her heart raced.

But he didn’t say anything.

Instead, he lowered his head and brushed his lips along hers.A gentle kiss, a sweet caress.

Everything would be okay.

Everything had to be okay.

Chapter Ten

“I’m sorry.” Ryan lowered his head and rested his foreheadon hers. “I’m sorry for reacting like I did. For pushing you away. For doing everythingthat I did like that. I just reacted. And it was stupid. But I’m sorry.”

“You don’t get to be sorry.” She paused. “Because you don’thave to be. I lost someone before. And I thought I lost it all. I thoughteverything was over. But it wasn’t.”

Ryan ran his hands through her hair and looked down at her.“I don’t know how you do it.”

“What? Live? It’s the only thing I know how to do anymore.”

He pulled her into his arms, holding her close. She was sodamn strong, but he knew she hated those words, so he wasn’t going to say them.But she was. He’d walked away because he needed time to think, and was soafraid that she was going to get hurt because of him. So he’d taken away herchoice in the matter, and he regretted it. But now she was here, and he’d haveto figure out what to do next.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do about Michael, but Idon’t want to lose you because of it.”

“Then don’t let Michael matter when it comes to you and me.He’s going to be a part of this because he threw himself into the situation,but that doesn’t mean you have to let him be the main part. I don’t know what’sto come with his charges or anything that has to do with him and his future,but it doesn’t have to be your future.”

“He always has a way of making it feel it had to be.”

“Then don’t let it. And I know that seems basic, but it wasthe only way I could move on when I needed to.” She pulled away, letting out abreath. “When Max died, I tried to make sure I could figure out how to move on,how to be who I was, learn what I needed to be. But it wasn’t always easy. Itisn’t supposed to be. I was pregnant when Max died. We’d just found out the sexof the baby, and we had put off our wedding because we wanted to hold hertogether while we said our vows.”

Abby shook her head, a small smile on her face.

“It seems silly now, wanting to hold an infant that wouldprobably cry and poop and not really enjoy itself while we were saying ourvows, but that’s what we wanted. We were starting a new life, cancer or not.But the cancer came back, and it came back hard.”