Page 170 of Twisted Needs

Luca huffs. “That’s not true.”

“Yes it is.”

“When have I ever said anything about not being able to trust you?”

“You don’t trust me, Luca. You’ve never been able to trust me!” His voice cracks, just slightly.

Enough that Luca hears it too, because the anger leaves his face immediately. Replaced by something heavier and worse. “Mano,” he says quietly. “I’m trying to understand.”

“Then listen.”

“I am listening.”

“No, you’re waiting for me to say something wrong so you can pick me apart.”

Luca drags both hands down his face. The exhaustion in the gesture makes him suddenly look older. “You really don’t understand why this is hard for me?”

Anders stops pacing. For a second neither of them moves. Then Luca says quietly, “I keep sitting there trying to remember every summer. Every birthday. Every holiday. Every time the two of you were together.”

My stomach drops so fast it almost feels physical. I reach back and grab the railing behind me, the rough wood immediately digging into my palm.

Luca isn’t looking at me and seeing the friend who crossed a line…he’s looking at his little brother and whether somebody he trusted got too close and he didn’t notice until it was too late. I don’t think I’ve ever felt guilt quite like this, but I understand why he’s afraid of it.

Luca stares out across the lake, seemingly trapped in the movement of the water all of a sudden. “I keep asking myself if I missed something…”

The words settle heavily between them. Anders goes completely still. “Luca⁠—”

“I keep asking myself if there were signs.”

“There weren’t,” Anders says immediately, sounding a little too defensive.

“How do you know?”

“Because I know him, Luca.”

He laughs weakly. “Do you?” The second the word leaves Luca’s mouth, he regrets it. I see it happen. So does Anders. The color drains from his face as he finally looks back at his brother.

“Oh my God.”

Luca shakes his head. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Yes, it is. That’s exactly what you meant.”

“No—it isn’t.”

“Yes it fucking is.” His breathing starts speeding up. Fast enough that I can see his chest moving from here. “You’re asking if he was waiting for me.” Anders inhales sharply and covers his mouth with his hand. “You think he was waiting for me.”

Luca takes a deep breath to calm himself down, lowering his voice. “I didn’t say that⁠—”

“You don’t have to say it, Luca. I can tell it’s what you’re thinking.”Anders wipes angrily at his face again. “Nothing wrong happened.”

“Anders—”

“Nothing happened.”

“I’m not saying it did.”

“Nothing happened.” The words come out louder and desperate, like if he repeats them enough times Luca will finally hear what he’s actually saying.