Page 44 of I Punched an Alien and Now We’re in Couples Therapy

They shook their head.

I waved a hand at them. “Well, go on then.”

“SquAAAWK.”

A heavy silence settled between us.

“Pebble, got it.” I stepped out of the cleaning pod and patted the side of it. “Anyway, tomorrow morning I want you to heat it up to this temperature before I’m brought in. While we’re at it, I’m gonna need one of these bad boys installed into my house once you build it. Tell Dr. What’s Her Face to put it in my contract.”

Next to the pod was a glowing blue ray that held my clothes. Snatching my black jeans, I gave ’em a whiff to find they actually smelled nice. Jasmine and honey instead of the hot ass and misery of the days prior. “One of these too. I hate doing laundry. And doing things I hate could cause what?” I asked, putting a hand to my ear.

Pebble snapped up straight like a good soldier. “Cycle complications, Subject 12!”

Smiling, I retrieved the rest of my clothes and got dressed. “Very good. Now remember, we’re all gonna have to work together if we want this Crucible thing to work. And if y’all got me waking up in cold showers and stressed out that my future home doesn’t have everything I need, then…” I trailed off, steadying myself against the wall as I shimmed the jeans over my hips. “I just don’t know if I could get pregnant under these conditions.”

“Forgive us, Subject 12. I assure you that we will see to it you have everything you need. Construction of the beach house is already underway, and the building team should have blueprints ready for your review after you complete today’s trial. We aim to have everything in place in time for your beacon.”

“Hmm?” My dagger pin had nearly fallen from my jacket; I stabbed the pin back through the neon-green leather and fiddled with the clasp. “Oh right, yeah, the beacon. Real important stuff.”

I needed to keep a notebook or something to keep these lies straight; shit was exhausting. Without knowing where the auditor was, or hell, what they’d even look like, it was important to keep pretending nothing was wrong. If these Biwban suspected I was in my whistleblower era, they could decide to just lock me up until the investigation was over.

Pebble noted down any other demands I could think of during breakfast. When I was fed, dressed, and ready for more alien bullshit, I followed Pebble upstairs where Osid waited for us both in front of wide metal doors with the number four painted on them. His own escort penguin stood behind a control panel not far off.

“Hey, darlin’! Hey, other…penguin alien.”

The Biwban raised a wing in greeting. “Good morning, Subject 12, you may call me Marble.”

“Real name?” I asked.

“Wraaah-wraah.”

I bit the inside of my cheek to stifle a laugh.

Osid had no such composure. “What kind of name is that?”

“Tritos, Subject S 52.”

“So you’re not a Biwban?” I asked. “I wasn’t given an introduction packet on the different alien races.”

“We tritos are Biwban. We are just a different gender than the brightly colored males and the russet females you’ve been seeing.”

Pebble spoke up behind me. “Tritos names are based on musical notes rather than occupations, locations, or ancestors.”

“So the tall, black-and-white Biwban like you are tritos. The bright birds are male, and the dull ones are female, right?”

“Correct.”

“Fascinating.” I made my way to his side and nudged him. “How’d the rest of your date with the T. rex go?”

Osid looked down his nose at me, unamused. The fire from yesterday had fled from his eyes, leaving him looking like a candle burned down to its final stub, the wick barely holding on to the flame. Even his voice carried weariness, hoarse like the rasp of an old saw on splintered wood. “You realize you can put an end to this whole charade at any moment and just agree to be mine?”

Tendrils of compassion wormed their way into my gut at his disheveled appearance, and I bit the inside of my cheek to force it down.

What did I care if he got a good night’s sleep or not?

I stuck my hands on my hips and tsked. “I already told you, that horn upgrade is the last thing I’m ever gonna do for you. Unless you try to plant another kiss on me like you did last night, then I’ll knock you out twice as hard.”

He rolled his eyes. “Is my touch that horrible?”