Page 54 of You Met Me There

A breath escapes him. “I’m thinking about it,” he says.

My stomach dips. He sees the near-invisible excitement play across my face in a wave.

“I didn’t say yes. Not right now,” he reminds me. “But I’m trying. I’m trying, for you, to see past the obstacles I’m dealing with around the situation.”

I nod, sucking my lips between my teeth. My voice is a whisper. “That’s better than saying no.”

Luke grins down at me. “You know, making love isn’t just about making babies. It’s about two people who love each other more than anyone else in the world choosing to show that love in a physical, tangible way.”

My brow lifts. “Are you saying you don’t think I love you if I don’t sleep with you?”

He chuckles. “Far from it. I’m saying I want to show you how much I love you. We’ve been married for seven years, Natalie. We’ve had all that practice, and we haven’t made a baby yet.”

“I know. That’s the problem.”

He sighs, and then he’s getting up and stepping away from the bed, hands on his hips. The air around me is empty as he steps out of my little bubble of personal space.

I swing my bare legs off the bed. “It’s just going to take a while for me to get used to the idea of not having kids. In case you never really change your mind. I think I have to somehow get that thought out of my head before I can be intimate again … What—what do you think of adopting?”

“Adopting?” His hand runs through his freshly washed hair.

I nod again. “So we could still have a baby without getting pregnant. Since you’re worried about a miscarriage, we could start a family by adopting … You do want a family, don’t you? If the potential of losing a pregnancy were wiped off the table, would you want to have children?”

He’s silent so long, I wonder if he’ll answer. I hold my breath in anticipation and hang my head, staring at my toes as they dig into the plush white rug. Footsteps sound on the hardwood floor before the bed dips and I see his bare feet on the rug beside mine.

“I do want a family. But I don’t want to adopt.”

I look up and frown. “You want to find a surrogate?”

“No.” He wrinkles his brow. “Not that.”

“Then how do you expect us to have kids if you don’t want them naturally, but you also don’t want to adopt or have a surrogate?”

“I don’t know.” His hair flops as he shakes his head back and forth. “I’m still working through it.” His eyes lock on mine. “When you just mentioned adoption, the first image that came to mind was us with a kid that looked nothing like us.”

“Is that so bad?”

“Of course not. But when I think of us having kids … I imagine ones that look like you.”

Hope flares to life like a sparkler in my chest. He imagines us with kids. It’s more than I ever hoped for before, and I finally feel like we’re getting closer to turning my dream of motherhood into a reality. But it will still take time for him to be ready.

I slide my hand into his, unwilling to let this conversation die here. “What do these kids look like? In your imagination.”

Creases form at the corners of his eyes. “Their faces are blurry. But they have blonde hair. And one’s a girl. She has your eyes.”

My vision turns watery as I look at him. He’s finally seeing what I’ve always imagined.

“When did you start seeing them?” I ask softly.

“Last night. After Levi talked my ear off about fish and snakes.” He chuckles, and a teary laugh bubbles out of me. “Seeing Juliet and Cameron with their boys got me thinking about what it would be like if you and I did have kids. Levi looks so much like Cam. And Cam is a good dad. He listens to them and teaches them. I want to be like that.”

I smile, feeling as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Not the whole thing, but what’s left is lighter and more bearable. “You’d be an amazing dad. I really believe that.”

“Thanks.” His hand slides out of mine to rest on my knee. “And you’d be an amazing mother.” A pause. “You know I want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted, right?”

I bite my lip.

“I’ve done all I can to make the life we have be enough for you,” he says. “You want something? You get it. I never want you to feel like you don’t deserve the best. You deserve the world, and I’ve moved moons to give it to you. But this”—he motions between us—“this is more than moving a moon. It’s a whole galaxy. I’ve had years for these fears to settle. It’s all I stand on now. Fear isn’t easily swept away.” His head hangs, hair covering his eyes.