Page 52

Jessika says he never brings her by the clubhouse, and my brother doesn’t mention either of them when we speak. Not that I’ve asked him. I don’t even see Gray when I take dinners to Bill.

I don’t ask him either.

He doesn’t offer.

I leave the food on the porch swing, mostly. It hurts to be there without Gray.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with Foolish.

We go out to eat. He takes me out on his bike. We’ve gone swimming at the lake a few times with Elsie Jo and Swift. Madz has gone shopping with Jessika and me a few times. She never mentions Gray either. It’s almost like he’s a ghost or never existed.

I’d like to say it’s gotten easier, but deep down I miss him.

I wish I could say I hate him, but I don’t. Not even a little bit.

I’m still hurt and angry.

I’m sad.

I don’t understand any of it, and maybe I never will.

I just wish there was something that could make me forget him. Forget how he made me feel.

Sometimes I think maybe it was all in my head and I made it up. Like a limerence. But he’s real and what we had was real. I felt it. I know he did, too. Even Woods, who was completely against us ever dating, saw it.

My cell buzzes with a text from Foolish asking if we’re still on for the movies tonight.

He’s such a good friend to me. I know he hopes for more, but I don’t have romantic feelings for him. It’s selfish of me to keep seeing him knowing he wants to date me when we will never be anything more than friends.

I fire back a text telling him I’ll meet him there.

I finish getting ready and notice my bra seems tight, and so do my jeans. Have I gained weight? Maybe all the eating out with Foolish has packed some pounds on me. I turn sideways in the mirror, noticing a curve to my belly that I didn’t have before.

Maybe I’m bloated? I look at the calendar, trying to remember when I’m supposed to get my period. I’ve always had a month here and there where I don’t have one. Usually, when I’m stressed out. It makes sense that I can’t remember my last one.

I think I had one after the fight with Gray and Foolish.

I look under my bathroom sink for a tampon to stick in my purse in case I start while I’m out.

Hmm. Doesn’t look like I have any.

I guess I can stop by the drugstore on my way to Fayetteville.

Chapter Sixteen

I stare at the app on my phone screen tracking Willow’s location. I never turned it off. She doesn’t know it, but I watch her from afar. I see her going out with Foolish. Holding his hand. Laughing with him. Falling in love with him.

I make sure he’s treating her right. The way I was supposed to.

I fucked everything up, but it was for the best.

She deserves someone who can love her the right way.

I’m too tainted. Full of too much hatred.

I don’t want to be a father. Not to Kaylene’s kid, but I stepped up.

When she calls, I answer. When she has an appointment, I drive her. I give her money. I sleep on her couch. But we aren’t together. That’s not going to happen. I tried to force it, but I couldn’t do it. I can’t stand her touch. She makes my damn skin crawl.