Page 49 of Tell Me I'm Enough

I don’t know what it was about Mason that took me aback a little. Yeah, he was a jerk to me, but I could tell that wasn’t his normal personality. When I asked some of the girls about him at the mixer, they all said he was usually the life of any party and one of Greek Row’s biggest players. They talked about how funny and reckless he was. That wasn’t who I got a glimpse of…but first impressions can be wrong.

“Sounds like your classic frat guy,”Tyler says on the other line. He sounds like he’s up, busy doing something, kinda distracted.

“Yeah.”

I wait for him to ask more, but he doesn’t.

“Anyway, I can’t wait for you to meet some of the girls from the house. I’m ready for you to come back and visit already. There’s so much we have to do in Texas together. We barely did anything but go to parties when you came last time.”

“I want to,”he says, but it’s distant. “I just don’t know when. Basketball and school have been brutal lately.”

“Next month, maybe?” I ask. “We could go to that fall festival in town, or find a nearby lake for the weekend.” I can already see it with the weather changing. The cozy sweaters, the fair lights, his hand in mine. “It’d be fun.”

“Yeah, maybe,”he says again, the words landing a little flat.

“Maybe?” I laugh softly, trying to keep it light. “Tyler, I’m giving you the perfect getaway, and you sound like I offered you a dentist appointment.”

He laughs, but it’s half-hearted.“You know I want to see you, babe. I just have to figure stuff out here. I think you’d love L.A. It’s so…different.”

“I bet,” I say back. I don’t mean for it to come out so small and defeated, but it does.

He must hear it, because his voice softens.“Hey, don’t sound so sad. We’re making this work. I told you we would.”

“I know.” My eyes sting, and I hate that they do. “I just miss you. That’s all.”

“I miss you too, Simone.”

“Yeah.” I bite my lip, smiling even though he can’t see it. “Okay.”

We talk for a few more minutes—about classes, about how the team is treating him, about how many times a day his mom has been calling him, but every time I tell him something about my life here, the girls, the house, the people I’m meeting, he just saysthat’s great,like he’s reading from a script.

When we go to hang up, he tells me he loves me, and I tell him I love him too. The words feel the same as they always have, but they also hit a little differently this time.

Like I said, they feel the same as always…but maybe that’s the problem.

I toss my phone aside so I won’t be tempted to text him asking if we’re okay, if he actually still loves me, all the things I normally do when I’m feeling insecure with him.

Lydia tosses a pillow over at me when she sees the sadness I have plastered all over my face that I meant to keep hidden.

“Hey!” she says firmly. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“Be all sad and shit. I hate seeing you so down every time you get off the phone with him. I know how much you two love each other. Must suck being apart.”

“Yeah…it does.”

Iamsad…but it’s not because I miss him so much that it hurts to breathe. I’m sad because it’s still easy to breathe when he’s not around.

I want a love so strong that I feel a physical ache when I’m not around him.

I want Tyler to show me that kind of love.

It can still happen, right?

16

Simone