Page 24 of Tell Me I'm Enough

I grab her arm. “No, stay. It’ll help.”

She sits back down and places her head on my shoulder as I open the letter.

Dear Mason,

My baby is graduating today.

I’m sitting here crying as I’m writing this.

If you see an old tear mark still staining the page, they’re happy tears, I promise.

I’m so proud of you, Mason. You’ve always been the smartest and most driven boy.

I’m sorry—man. You’re a man now. My baby is all grown up. It’s crazy how I can picture you so perfectly. You’ve grown to be such a handsome young man.

You get your looks from me, you know? I mean, where do you think you got that beautiful blonde mane of yours? Your dad might have blonde genes on his side, but trust me you got that straight from me.

And those beautiful eyes of yours that have so much spark in them come from me too.

Don’t ever lose that spark, baby boy.

This is one of the first big days I get to write to you outside of your birthdays.

I wish I could be there, Mase. And I will be. I’ll be in that crowd cheering you on, I promise. Just look for me. Listen for my voice. I’ll be there with you.

College is right around the corner now, and I pray you let yourself enjoy it. Don’t let your dad make you feel like you’re not allowed to have any fun. Live your life freely, son.

I want to see you party a little for me, too. Just be smart, be safe, and protect that beautiful heart of yours. Don’t chase empty things trying to fill it. Don’t become shallow like the rest of them. Stand out.

Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up and run away either. Enjoy your youth, enjoy your life. Have fun, smile, eat the cake, dance in the rain, make friends for life, fall in love a couple of times, and laugh as much as possible. It’ll keep you young.

I love you, Mase. Enjoy today, and enjoy the start of the rest of your life.

Love, Mom.

It’smytears that drop onto the paper now, and I try to wipe them off so they don’t smear the ink.

Jackie picks her head up from my shoulder and kisses the side of my cheek. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t need to. I tuck the letter back into the envelope, putting the lid back on the box, then stand up and turn around to help Jackie up.

I don’t know if I’m ready for where life is about to take me, but I’m trying to find comfort in my mom’s words. I want to enjoy this. I want to enjoy the journey. I just wish I didn’t feel so numb all the time. I wish my heart and brain worked the way they’re supposed to.

* * *

Graduation was…a lot. A lot of people, a lot of cheering, a lot of speeches, a lot of pictures, and a lot of congratulations.

I’m standing out in the parking lot now with Jackie and a group of our friends and all their parents. Jackie’s parents both hug me and tell me congratulations as we’re all saying our goodbyes to them so that we can head out to grab lunch and get this long day of celebrating started.

I try not to think about the fact that nobody is here for me. And I try not to think about what everyone else is thinking when they see that my dad didn’t care to show up.

I take Jackie’s hand in mine and turn to walk off with a couple of guys on my side and her friends beside her when I see a little butterfly resting on top of my car’s hood.

I shake my head and smile.

At least one parent showed up, huh?

You always show up, Mom.

We all pile into several cars, filling every seat, and I throw my suit jacket in the back, hitting Caleb in the face.