Page 20 of Tell Me I'm Enough

I’m trying not to let myself think that she just regretted it and doesn’t want to talk to me. I mean, there’s no way…right? She was the one who came ontome.

My mind won’t stop racing on the drive to school that following Monday. I don’t even turn my music up like normal, because I can’t hear myself think over it.

I’m just ready to get to school, ready to see her, and for her to tell me everything is okay and that we’re good; she just got busy or something.

When I walk into school, it feels like a bunch of eyes are on me as I walk down the halls. I don’t know why they would be. Nobody normally pays me any attention here unless it’s about football or someone asking to use my house for a party since my dad’s never home.

Some faces look like they’re smiling—almost laughing. Some look like they have a sad, pitiful look in their expression toward me.

When I walk out into the courtyard between buildings, I finally see her. She’s standing against the wall with one of her friends, laughing. I walk over to them, and when she sees me, her smile drops.

Well, that doesn’t seem like a great sign.

She says bye to her friend, then walks up to me.

“Hey,” she says in a quiet, nervous voice.

“Um…hey,” I say back. “Are we…uh…good?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?”

I try to hide the confused look on my face. “Um, I don’t know…maybe because I haven’t heard from you in days now, after we—”

“Oh…yeah,” she says, cutting me off with a forced smile. “I’ve just been pretty busy. I’m sorry.”

I’m so confused right now.

“Oh…okay? Well, would you wanna hang out after school today, maybe?”

She chews on her lip a little. “Um, I have practice and then a lot of schoolwork to finish up. I mean…we don’t really have to do the whole clingy thing after sex, okay?”

“What? I thought…I don’t know…I thought you liked me?”

“I do…but like as a friend, Mason.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “Do you sleep withallyour friends?”

She looks up at me, offended. “Fuck you, Mason. No, I don’t, you asshole.”

She goes to walk off, and I catch her wrist, stopping her.

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m just…confused—”

“It was just sex, Mason. I…I have to get to class—”

She walks off without saying anything else, and I’m left standing there, completely lost.

What the hell just happened?

I go through the rest of the day overthinking everything, looking for her in the halls, wanting to talk to her again.

When the day ends and I have to head to football practice, I finally give up the chaotic battle inside my head, trying to figure out what I did wrong.

I put all my energy, anger, and hurt into the game. I go harder than I ever have, and Coach points out how much of a beast I am on the field today.

I don’t feel like a beast. I feel like a loser.

That feeling is only confirmed when I walk into the locker room after practice and overhear some of the guys talking about Delilah and me.