Page 182 of Tell Me I'm Enough

She’s the match thrown on my gasoline. And I’m ready to burn for her.

“Relax for me,” I whisper.

Her fingers clutch at my shirt, like she can’t handle it, and I press my forehead to hers again, keeping my voice low and controlled as I guide her.

Everything feels right when I’m with her. Like the outside world doesn’t exist. No problems exist—no voices in my head, no crawl of my skin, no ache in my chest. She makes it all go away with the way her body quiets mine.

I couldn’t have dreamed up a better first time sharing this part of myself with her. I don’t want to ever have to share it with anyone else.

When we’re both too spent to even move, she slumps on top of me, breathless and stunned, like she doesn’t quite recognize herself right now, or what we just did.

I brush my thumb along her arm, slow and gentle, trying to come down from the high.

“I’ve…” She stops, trying to catch her breath. “I’ve never…feltthatbefore.”

I look at her, confused. “You mean you’ve never gotten off before?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t think so.”

I chuckle. “You would know.”

She swallows, embarrassed, and I can’t help how cute I think it is. “Then…no.”

A cocky grin spreads on my face. “Happy to be at your service, Edwards. Any time you want.”

She looks up at me, curled under my arm. “I know this isn’t…that, isn’t more than this. But…”

I want her to say,but I want it to be.

But she doesn’t.

“I…I don’t want to be one of many.”

I see the way she shrinks a little, saying that, and I hate it. I grab her chin and lift it back up. “You’re not.”

“I’m not judging you, Mason. I get it. I do. I get we’re in college, and there are a lot of options out there. But…I like this. I…I kind of wouldn’t mind…more of it.”

I fight back my smile. “I wouldn’t either.”

“But…I don’t think I would feel comfortable being just another girl in your rotation.”

Why can’t I just spit it out that that’s the farthest thing from reality?

I don’t know why the words don’t come, why I have shame and the fear of expectations wrapped around them.

Instead, I choke down the truth and play it safe. “Exclusivelyfriends…with benefits?”

A cautious smile appears on her face. “Yeah.” She pauses, taking it all in. “Is this crazy? Are we crazy? They say stuff like this never ends pretty.”

My fingers move to stroke the side of her rib cage. “We won’t let it.”

Even as I say it, I know it’s a lie. A lie I’ve already been telling for a long time now.

41

Simone

Telling Mason that I was okay with just hooking up, just being friends with benefits, just screwing around, and acting like we could go back to normal after was the worst idea I’ve ever had.