Page 50 of A Second Chance Summer in Dublin

‘Giving?’ he tries.

I shake my head again.

‘Loyal?’

I shake once more as the memories come fast, flashing behind my eyes .?.?.

The night of my college fashion-design showcase. Logan made it all abouthimand his upset at not getting cast in McNally’s play. He never paid me back the loan I gave him. He stole my thunder that night.

Losing my internship atFerguson Brophyafter I messed up because I was too busy doing Logan’s costumes forMacbethand I slept it out and took their dress home to finish it. He knew I couldn’t do both jobs. I ended up consolinghimthat morning.

Working all hours to cover Logan’s share of the rent, and now that I think of it, I don’t recall Logan ever complimenting me on any of the wedding gowns I designed. I only remember him complimenting the costumes I did forhisshow.

Logan’s moodiness when he wasn’t working, andhisgood moods only when he was. I was expected to put up with his highs and lows, with no consideration on his behalf aboutmymood.

How he never thought about where I might like to eat, it was always about where he wanted to eat, what food pleasedhim. Zero fucks for what I might like!

Logan never put me first. Ever. Loyal? Ha! Well that was self-explanatory. Loyal tohimself.

‘Grace? Grace!’ Donal’s voice pulls me out of my doom spiral. He reaches across the table now and takes my hands. ‘I’m sorry, you don’t have to .?.?.’

I can actually feel myself pale.

‘Let’s drop this. It’s really none of my business, I’m so sorry, I thought it might help.’ He looks perturbed.

I look down at my hands swamped in his. ‘Yeah, um, yeah, look. Look, maybe we’d better get going, we’re late as it is.’ I focus on his Claddagh ring. His open heart. ‘Maybe a cab is best?’ I’m trying to pull myself together, this isn’t fair on Donal. I gulp the beer down in huge mouthfuls.

‘Absolutely, of course, let’s head on.’ Donal knocks back his own pint and leans forward to pull his wallet out.

‘No, no way, you paid in Elephant & Castle,’ I tell him. ‘And if I recall, it was because you said you asked me out? Well I asked you out tonight.’ I fix myself, run my index finger under my eyes and drag my fingers through my poker-straight hair, settle it around my shoulders.

‘I can’t let you pay for me,’ he tells me, drooping his shoulders.

‘Well I am!’ I say.

‘No, honestly, I .?.?. Please? I’m very old-fashioned in these things, Grace. Unless it’s something you are dead set against – a man paying?’ A strange look comes over him as though he’s just insulted me.

And I get it. I get that he wants to pay for me. And I like it. I like the gesture a lot.

‘Not at all, and well, thank you, then, it was delicious.’ I slideout of the booth and I stand in front of him. I pull the red dress down a bit, check the ties on my footwear are in place and look up at him. In my towering cork wedges, he’s not that much taller than me.

‘You grew. Wow! That Japanese cooking is something else.’ He jokes to lighten the mood as we stand almost eye to eye. Am I not going to see him again after tonight? I open my mouth to say something, then the bill arrives and the moment is lost, and he pays as I stay standing. I’m ten minutes away from seeing Logan again.

But I have an urge to kiss Donal.

An absolute urge to kiss Donal.

What is going on?

Chapter Twenty-Five

There he is.

My stomach sinks like I’m falling from a great height.

Logan.

An icy grip seizes my insides.