Page 49 of A Second Chance Summer in Dublin

‘I do,’ I admit, grinning at him.

He picks up the soy sauce bottle, speaks into it as though it’s a microphone. ‘Donal didn’t see it coming. Ella did. This summer, watch Donal crumble like a big baby blubber boy as Ella crushes his heart. Coming soon to cinemas, nationwide.’

‘Be serious!’ I chastise.

He puts the bottle back on the table. ‘Ah, looking back the signs were there but I was oblivious. Ten years in, we’d discussed marriage and children, obviously. I was focused on my first proper restoration and reconstruction, a two-up-two-down in Drumcondra. Anyway, I was sitting there with my sister, having a late dinner – she’d just come back from America and had broken the unwelcome news to me that she was moving to the West Coast and leaving Ireland for good. I was devastated. We’dordered a shot of baby Guinness each, so I was late to meet Ella. I’d texted her obviously, and she was only up the road in Sinnotts Bar, but then, a few minutes later, she walked in that door. She sat in beside me and just said, “Donal, it’s over between us.” Just like that.’ He raises his shoulders up so high in his khaki McQueen shirt that it tips his ears.

‘Just like that?’ I think of Logan’s text in Portofino. The one pinned to the top of my messages.

‘Yup. So I said the first thing that came to my mind, “Why?” My sister was flapping and hadn’t a clue what to do. Ella told her that she didn’t want me to be alone when she broke up with me then basically spurted lots of nonsense that boiled down to the fact I wasn’t enough for her. She wanted more. Can’t argue with that, right? I mean, you could, but what’s the point?’

My heart aches for him, because I know only too well exactly how that feels. ‘No point whatsoever,’ I agree wholeheartedly.

‘So I said goodbye to Ella and our life in Rathmines. I left her in the apartment. Took all my shit out, pulled on my big-boy pants, grew this big badass beard and stopped cutting my hair.’ He tugs at his long hair over his left shoulder. ‘I hid myself away.’

‘Why?’ I lean forward, dying to know the answer to his chosen look.

‘Why? Self-preservation, I guess? Because I wanted to protect my heart. I didn’t want to fall in love ever again, and I thought this look might help me. In fairness, I was spot on. It worked!’ He drapes his long arm over the back of the seat to look for a waiter. ‘One for the road?’ he asks me over his shoulder. ‘Since we’re deep in dumping-therapy here?’

‘Sure, a quick flyer,’ I agree. I’m still not ready to see Logan.

A waiter catches his eye and Donal holds up his beer glass with one hand and raises two fingers with the other.

‘That’s why you joined Beyond Looks?’ I sip, but the dregs of my beer are flat and warm.

‘Right. And the fates almost aligned.’ He looks at me as his voice breaks a little.

I have a desire to reach my hand out and place it on his cheek. Feel the hairs in his beard.

‘Ella took me three years to get over, but I did it. I did a bit of blabbing on a couch to a professional and I learned something that blew my mind. Or rather she made me see things as they really were.’

The waiter interrupts with our two fresh, fizzy beers.

‘Cheers.’ I smile up at him.

‘Thanks a million, mate,’ Donal says to him as he clears off our plates. ‘Mind you, you can probably put my plate back on the shelf, it’s that clean.’ Donal chuckles. I love how he always goes out of his way to be nice to the staff in restaurants.

I lean in closer to him across the now slightly damp, clean table. ‘So .?.?.’ I’m intrigued as the waiter leaves. ‘What did you learn?’

‘That I didn’t really love her as much as I thought I did. I mean, I reallythoughtI loved her.’ He tips his temple with his finger. ‘But I really didn’t.’ His eye contact is intense, the green of his eyes brighter than ever.

I take that in.

‘Tell me this, Grace?’ he says softly. ‘Whatdoyou love about Logan? What is it?’

‘Oh, God, really?’ I sigh heavily in a groan, looking at him with an embarrassed grimace. I adjust my tight red dress at the bust. ‘I don’t know .?.?. now .?.?.’

‘Try.’ Donal sits back into the bench, lifts his fresh frothy beer. ‘If you don’t mind? No pressure, up to you. But this is the line of questioning that got me over Ella in the end. I know you don’t want to get over Logan, but I’m curious and I think you should know the answer, Grace.’

‘Logan Hunter. Right. What can I say? Why do I love him?He’s so creative, so ambitious, he’s so vivacious in all the ways I’m not .?.?. I dunno, he’s just like electricity to me, I think I need him to feel alive .?.?. He’s fun .?.?. no, not fun .?.?. he’s .?.?. he’s so .?.?.’ I stop babbling. I don’t want to say ‘he’s so sexy’ because it makes me sound really pathetic. But is that the reason I loved Logan? Still love Logan? His looks? The chemistry we have? Surely not? Please, no? Dear God, I’m not that shallow?

‘He’s so what? Go on?’ Donal pushes me, but it’s easy, he’s not forceful. ‘What else?’ He looks genuinely interested in what I’m going to say.

But I’m struggling. ‘Like what?’

‘Supportive?’ he suggests, seeing my struggle.

I shake my head. Stare at him.