Page 61 of More Than Friends

Charlotte looks up at me through her long eyelashes and gives me that soft smile that I dream about at night. “Don’t be sorry.” She leans in and presses a kiss against Ava’s head, and I can’t help but wish that she were kissing me instead. “Good night, Ava girl. Let’s try and get some good sleep tonight…what do you think?”

I laugh. “We’ll see. If her refusal to nap anywhere but on me earlier is any indication, we might be taking a drive tonight. What secrets do you have for me?”

It’s Charlotte’s turn to laugh. “I don’t have any good secrets tonight, so let’s hope Ava sleeps.”

Before I can respond, she leaves my office, which is probably a good thing because I was about to tell her that I have a big enough secret for the both of us. I want her, and if I knew she wanted me too, I’d say fuck the rules and boundaries we’ve put between us.

I watch the doorway for a few moments, wondering if for some reason Charlotte will appear in it again. When she doesn’t, I look down at my daughter. Her eyebrows are red, and instead of her eyes being wide open, her lids are heavy.

“You tired, baby girl?” I lean in to kiss her, and I catch a whiff of the familiar scent of her baby soap mixed with the specific smell of Charlotte. I inhale again, my eyes closing for a moment.It isn’t lost on me how much comfort I find in not only the smell of my daughter but of Charlotte as well. She always smells like vanilla mixed with something else…maybe cherry. Whatever it is, the scent is intoxicating. It’s been weeks of being taunted by so many things when it comes to her, her smell being one of them. I have to push the feeling away of how much I love the vanilla and cherry scent that I now associate with her. Not only that, but the smell now brings me comfort, something I’m trying to ignore.

I shake my head, ridding my mind of thoughts of her as I make the mental note to thank her for already giving Ava a bath. All there’s left to do is give Ava a bottle and rock her to sleep—two of my favorite things to do with my daughter.

I use my free hand to close my laptop lid and leave my office. I actually feel really good about how much work I was able to get done today. For the first time in a long time, I think I’ll be able to go to bed without feeling guilty about all the things I left for my assistant to do. I know eventually I’ll have to find a better childcare situation than asking Charlotte to step in, but for now, I think it’ll work.

I walk to my room and fight the urge to stop at Charlotte’s door on the way. She’s done enough for me today, I need to leave her alone, but even though I just saw her, I still miss her. We live in the same house, and I still find myself missing her when she’s not around. It’s a foreign feeling, but one I’m tired of fighting.

Ava lets out a little coo, as if she’s excited about being near Charlotte too. I can’t help but smile. It seems like I’m not the only one who Charlotte has wrapped around her finger; she’s got my daughter obsessed with her too.

“I know,” I tell my daughter. “I want to see her too, baby girl. But you’ve got to go to bed, and I’ve got to leave her alone.” I walk by Charlotte’s door without stopping. Once Ava’s milkis made, I go right to my room without even glimpsing in the direction of Charlotte’s room.

The entire time I feed my daughter and rock her to sleep, I can’t help but let my mind replay every moment between Charlotte and me over the last few weeks. I think about every interaction, trying to figure out if all of this is one-sided or in my head, or if there’s a chance she’s feeling the same way I am.

I let my head fall against the rocking chair in the corner of my room as I rock back and forth. “What do you think? Do I tell her how I feel, or do I keep pretending not to like her?” I ask Ava as if she can actually respond. It’s quiet, so quiet that I look down and find that she’s popped off the bottle and has fallen fast asleep.

“So you’re leaving me to decide that by myself?” I mutter. “You’re supposed to tell me what to do here because this is new territory for me, and I don’t know what to do.”

Ava stays fast asleep, and I stay in the chair, thinking about all the things that could go wrong if I confess my feelings to Charlotte.

THIRTY-SIX

CHARLOTTE

The hot waterof the shower feels amazing against my tense muscles. I’ve probably been in the shower longer than I need to be, but it feels good to let the water run over me.

My entire body is on edge, and it’s because of Jude.

Weeks of pent-up tension catch up to me as I stand underneath the stream of water.

I can’t get the way Jude called mehis girlout of my head.

I can’t get anything he’s done in the last few weeks out of my head.

I’ve been pushing every interaction between us to the back of my mind in an attempt to keep things platonic, but left with nothing but my own thoughts in this shower, everything catches up to me.

The lingering looks Jude gives me.

The way he finds ways to touch me, even when it’s not necessary.

Memories of him without a shirt.

The sight of him in those gray sweatpants, which leave little to the imagination.

His glasses—the slutty glasses, as I’ve nicknamed them.

The way he placed his hand over mine.

The feeling of his skin against mine.