Page 7 of Against the Current
“The competition can be fierce, though,” Josh offered.
Jackie cast him a horrible look, one meant to stop him in his tracks. Was he really referring to my real estate competition? Was he really going to infer that I was failing because of the new, local competition?
But a split second later, Josh added, “Sometimes all the celebrities want the same house! They’re calling Jackie one after the other, offering more and more money.”
Oh. That was what he meant. Jackie’s cheeks were hot. She put too much chicken a la orange in her mouth and chewed and chewed while Josh told Esme and Victor more stories about what he called Jackie’s “illustrious real estate career.” Hesupported her in everything. He was her partner, her life, her love. He wouldn’t throw her under the bus like that. Why had she assumed he would?
I’m jumpy. I need a good night’s sleep, she thought.
After dinner, Victor and Esme stayed for a final glass of wine and ice cream. Jackie wanted them to go so desperately, if only so she could go back to worrying nonstop about everything going wrong in her life. Instead, she found herself asking after each of the girls—Rebecca, Bethany, and Valerie—as her heart burned with jealousy. Although Joel had died, they had their girls back. They’d gotten to know their grandchildren. Their hearts were bursting with love.
It had been fourteen years since Jackie and Josh had seen Ryan.
There was even another little boy in their family. Jackie didn’t know his name.
Esme and Victor held hands on the table and looked at each other, searching for an answer to Jackie’s question.
But rather than answer directly, Victor looked Jackie in the eye and said, “You really should reach out to him. Now that we have the girls back, I curse every day I went without calling them. I curse every hour I missed.” He swallowed, then lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry if that’s too forward.”
Jackie felt like she was going to burst into tears. She bit her tongue.
Josh seemed at a loss, too. A moment of silence passed. Jackie considered throwing Esme and Victor out—but then remembered that that kind of irrational anger came from her mother’s side of the family and was nothing she wanted to entertain.
“I’m sorry,” Victor said after a pause. “It wasn’t my place.”
After that, Esme and Victor finished their wine quickly and hurried out. Esme hugged Jackie tightly and whispered in herear, “Call me if you want to.” But Jackie knew that she wouldn’t. She wasn’t sure she trusted them as a couple yet. Maybe Esme was already on her way out.
After Victor’s lights disappeared into the black night, Jackie put on her robe, took out her contact lenses, and sprawled on the sofa, watching Josh flick through channels. They were quiet for a long time. Josh seemed to sense she had a lot to process.
Finally, Jackie couldn’t help but say, “Everything seems to be going really great for them, huh?” Sarcasm hung heavy on her words.
Josh turned off the television and looked at her. “They’ve been through a lot. They deserve to be happy.”
Jackie felt a jolt of shame. “I know. I know that.”
Josh got up and walked around the back of the sofa. This way, he could take Jackie’s shoulders into his thick hands and massage them. Jackie let her eyelids drop.
“Things are going to turn around with the business,” Josh whispered. “They always do.”
Jackie bit her tongue again. What she wanted to say was,I’m sixty-three years old. I should be retiring. I can’t find my way out of this. I don’t know how.
Two summers ago, Jackie received what at the time felt like a windfall. Wealthy people asked her to sell their houses, and even wealthier people were in the market to buy them. Suddenly, she jumped from one earning bracket to the next. She dropped clients left and right to deal with the “upper echelon” of Nantucket society. It was a practical business decision. In her mind, she calculated what she needed to retire ASAP—and figured it was right around the corner.Tahiti, here I come, she’d thought.
What had happened? Suddenly, clients on the verge of signing dropped contract negotiations entirely. They stopped answering her calls. They didn’t even tell her why.
On top of that, a few clients decided they no longer wanted to sell their houses. When she’d asked, they’d claimed a change of heart. Some of them had sent frowny face emoji, which had felt particularly infuriating. It was as though this was all a game to them. And maybe for the mega-wealthy, it was.
The weird thing was that it all happened at once. Jackie was left with very few clients to her name. She was left with the sudden realization that the tremendous amount of money she’d thought was coming in very soon was no longer coming at all.
To add insult to industry, a business adviser had given her a fair amount of terrible advice. She’d subsequently plunged into debt. Of course, she’d canned the adviser. But the damage was done.
Now, as Josh massaged her shoulders, he whispered, “You’re going to get out of this. You always do.”
But what did Josh know? Jackie had always had a more lucrative career. Always for retirement, they’d been banking on what she could make rather than what Josh could put away. Josh had gotten injured a few years back and couldn’t work as often. Moreover, he was older than Jackie and probably more than ready to hang up his hat.
But Josh was in a better mood about all of it. Maybe it was because he didn’t feel quite as much pressure as she did. Perhaps he didn’t feel the guilt either.
Later that night, as Jackie and Josh cuddled up in bed, Jackie watched the snow whir past their bedroom window and thought about Ryan, what he was up to, and whether he was safe, happy, and warm. She hoped that his move to Chicago had been the right one. She hoped that one day, he would feel how much she still loved him and pick up the phone and call.
