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He watched her drift around the main room, her hands running over varnished woods and satin draperies.
Damn it, that dress was making him woozy.
“So, uh...” She paused. Dropped her purse down on the silk couch. “I've never done this before.”
That blush was back. The one that never failed to en?snare him. The one that had clearly worked its magic on Tom and Charles.
“Done what?” he asked dryly.
“ErÑgone to a hotel room with a man.”
The lie hardened Gray's heart, but had no effect what?soever on his body.
Enough with the talking, he thought. He wanted her and the time had come.
Walking over to her, he tore off his jacket and worked his tie free in a series of jerks.
She held her hand out. “Wait.”
“Why?” He stopped a mere foot away from her and kicked off his black wingtips. Tossed the tie aside.
She licked her lips, making his knees weak. “First I want an apology.”
“You've got it.” Anything to keep her with him to?night. He didn't care what it took.
“It's about Charles,” she said, stepping back.
Oh, yeah, he really wanted to talk about another guy right now. “What about him?”
“Just because I'm standing next to some man, doesn't mean I'm...sleeping with him. I want you to apologize for jumping to that kind of conclusion.”
“Fine. I'm sorry.”
“You could say it like you mean it.”
“I'm very sorry.”
She shook her head. Crossing her arms, she hugged herself. “Maybe this was a mistake.”
“The hell it is. We need this.”
Gray yanked his shirt free from his waistband and started unbuttoning the thing. Her eyes darted to his throat as it was revealed and then followed down his bare chest. When he pulled the halves apart, her gaze drifted to his stomach.
Having her look at his n**ed skin made his erection throb against his fly like it was searching for the exit. But she was standing there in a kind of shock, as though he were about to jump her.
Absently he became aware of an ache in his chest.
He took a deep breath. Dragged a hand through his hair.
“Look, Joy, you're free to leave, but you need to head for the door right now. I'm about to kiss you and once I do that, there's no going back. Do you understand? Un?less you're prepared to wake up next to me in the morn?ing, you better get out of here.”
He waited for her to decide. In the silence, his body hammered at his will, demanding to be set loose and take her. His eyes latched on to her lips. He could already feel them under his mouth as he kissed her long and deep.
“I'll even go slowly,” he murmured, “after the first time. But you've got to make your mind up now. You're killing me. Leave or let me inside.”
Her arms moved and he thought she was going for her purse.
Instead, she reached around to her side. He heard a zipper.
And then the dress hit the floor.
As Joy kicked the black fabric away with the toe of a high-heeled shoe, she fought the urge to shield herself with her hands. The embarrassment was a little absurd considering the matching black bra and panties showed no more than a bikini would. But then again, when she was in her bathing suit, she wasn't acutely aware that she was going to be n**ed in another minute and a half. Naked and with a man. With Gray.
Staring down at the rug, she waited for him to touch her. When he didn't move, she nearly cursed. Was there something wrong with her?
She lifted her hands to cover herself.
“No, please, no.” His voice cracked. “Don't hide from me. I just want to look at you a little.”
Her eyes flew up to his. His expression was reverent. His body super-still.
“I want...” he said. “I want to remember this.”
When she dropped her hands, he reached out, strok?ing her hair back from her face and down over her shoul?ders. His body was throwing off serious arousal signals, but when he put his lips against hers, the contact was light. Soft. He kissed her over and over again until she relaxed completely and leaned into him.
The sensation of his bare torso against her br**sts and belly was luscious.
“Will you touch me?” he moaned, taking her hands and putting them on his chest. “Please...just touch me.”
Her palms flattened over his pecs. Under a dusting of dark hair, his skin was hot, a smooth layer of satin over hard contours. His heart was pumping fast, as if he were running.
While his tongue gently penetrated her mouth, she ran her hands over male muscles that were tight, straining. She felt his body shudder and jerk as she went south, across the ridges of his abdomen. His bucking response was exactly what she needed to feel, a great equalizer. He may have been the experienced one, but his desper?ation put her in the driver's seat. She slid her arms around him and ran her hands up his back, under the shirt.
“Bed,” he groaned, grabbing her backside and pulling her against him, his arousal pressing into her belly. “Need a bed. Now.”
He maneuvered them around various pieces of furni?ture, his mouth doing crazy things to hers while they stumbled into a darkened room. She felt something come up against the back of her calves and then he was reach?ing down, whipping some kind of comforter back. A shift in his weight had her falling to the mattress and he fol?lowed, one of his knees parting her thighs. He drove his h*ps against hers, his hard length hitting just the right spot.
Her nails dug into him as she bowed off the bed and he took advantage of her arch, unclasping her bra and sweeping it from her body. His mouth found her breast and the sweet sucking distracted her as he slid her pant?ies off. When he pulled back, she looked down between their bodies. In the dim glow coming from the lights in the living room, she saw he was working his belt with quick hands. And then his pants and his boxers were gone.
He still had the shirt on, but the whole front of him was bare as he lay down on top of her. The feel of all his skin against hers made her eyes roll back in her head. And then he was burying his lips in her throat, his body mov?ing sinuously against hers in a surging rhythm, his arousal a hot brand on the inside of her thigh. She didn't want to wait any longer. Couldn't. She'd lived with the frustration of wanting for too long.
“Gray, I need...”
“Yeah, I know,” he growled thickly. “Me, too.”
His weight shifted and she grabbed on to him, trying to bring him back to the cradle of her hips. Dimly, she heard a drawer being opened, but she paid little attention. She was too busy wrapping her legs around his to hold him in place.
“Easy, beautiful.” His voice was so hoarse she could barely understand the words. “I'm getting ready as quick as I can.”
He lifted himself off of her and when he settled be?tween her thighs again, his breath was ragged. The muscles of his body were quivering and twitching as he reached down and touched her most sensitive skin. She arched up against him, crying out.
“Oh, woman.” His head dropped to her shoulder. “You want this as badly as I do.”
His weight shifted. His fingers disappeared.
“Hold on to me,” he said into her ear. “This is going to be fast and hard, but I'll make it up to you.”
And then he entered her in a powerful rush. She winced in pain as he broke through, but the sensation dimmed as he went deep, deep into her. Immediately her body adjusted to his thick, long presence and a shock of pleasure shot through her belly like a shaft of sunlight.
She was so ready for him to start moving.
Except Gray didn't. He was utterly frozen. In the long period of motionless silence that followed, he didn't even seem to be breathing.
“Gray?” She ran her hands up his back. Sweat was running down his spine.
When he finally shifted his weight, it was to slowly withdraw from her. Inch by inch. Until he was out of her body.
And then he started to shake all over.
He grabbed the bedspread and yanked it off the floor, but his hands were trembling so badly, he fumbled as he tried to cover her up. When her body was no longer bare to him, he lay down next to her without touching her.
“Gray?” she said in the darkness. She could hear him breathing. And the tremors he was still racked by were transmitted through the mattress. “Gray?”
His hand gently stroked her hair back from her face. He was usually such a steady man, but his fingers were like leaves in the wind.
“Don't you want to...keep going?” she asked.
As he shook his head, she felt like bursting into tears.
“Then I should leave,” she said, sitting up.
His arm came lightly around her waist. In spite of the strength she knew he had, he only applied a little pressure. The touch was like a request. And a humble one at that.
She lay back down. The arm slowly moved off her body, as if he didn't want her to feel trapped.
“I'm so sorry,” he said. His voice was eerie. Strangled. With none of his usual arrogance or strength behind the words. “I'm so sorry I hurt you.”
“Actually, it wasÑ”
“Why didn't you tell me?” he asked softly.
“Would it have made a difference?”
“Of course it would have. I never would have taken you to bed if I'd known.”
As if her virginity were a disease he didn't want to catch.
“Wow. That really makes me feel terrific.”
He instantly took her hand. “You should have saved it for Tom.”
Joy clenched her teeth. “If you bring him up one more time, I swear to God I'm going to scream.”
“Fine. You should have saved it for someone who loved you.”
Ouch.
“You know something, Gray, I think I really need to get going.”
“No, stay. I promise I won't touch you again. I'd just be grateful if you'd...I'm afraid if you leave now, I'll never see you again, and I can't bear that.”
“Listen to me,” she said distinctly. “You didn't hurt me.”
“I pushed you down on this bed. I threw your legs apart. And then I rammed myself inside of you.” His voice thinned. “You're a virÑyou were a virgin.”
“I chose to be with you. I wanted you. You didn't do anythingÑ”
“Don't you dare defend me,” he growled. “This never should have happened.”
She rolled over onto her back, thinking she disagreed.
Sure, he didn't love her. And yes, it would have been smarter to wait to make love for the first time with some?one who did. But at this moment, she regretted the par?tial knowledge of him more than her decision to be with him in the first place.
Her body was aching from everything it had been promised and all it had been denied. Certainly, his was the same, too. Or had the idea that she'd never been with a man before been a total turn-off?
Damn. She was getting really good at shutting down his attraction to her, wasn't she? First the I love you fi?asco. Now the virginity thing. Short of telling him she was pregnant, she figured she was almost out of shockers.
Yeah, well, it wasn't as if she had to worry about sur?prising him anymore. When was the next time she'd be anywhere near his sheets and blankets again?
“Sleep here tonight,” he said.
She turned her head and looked across the pillow. She wished there was more light so she could read his expres?sion better.
The thing was, she didn't want to go. She really didn't. Because maybe in the morning, they'd both make more sense. Maybe they could start over.
“Fine,” she said. When she heard his breath release, she was surprised that her spending the night meant so much to him. “But, Gray?”
“Yeah?”
“This isn't over between us.”
“I know. Believe me, I know.”
