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I can’t breathe. This is happening. I want to tell him to be careful. If anything ever stopped the breath in his golden body, the sun would cease to rise and fall. I might as well be dead. I can’t say that, so I don’t. I just sit and bleed out on the inside, caught between fear and longing and so much sadness.
“One day, I’ll be a struggling, starving artist and you’ll be the king of Hart. Raiden will be at your side. Your VP.”
He coughs loudly. I shouldn’t be talking about the future like that. I want to stop because I don’t want to hurt him, but I won’t be able to go away and live with myself if I think that he’s in danger. More danger than he’s already in, every day, belonging to an outlaw biker club whose activities are largely criminal.
“I would feel better knowing he’s at your side, there to protect you, and the other way around.”
“I’ve caused him enough pain and trouble.”
“Oh yes,” I snort. We’ve already been over this. I hate that Gray’s guilt is twisted through him like ivy, wrecking the very foundation its growing on. “You’re a ‘hooligan.’” I give that the air quotes it deserves. “You never corrupted my brother. You helped make him the best man I know.” If he did corrupt him, I’d like him to corrupt me too. Break me out of the boring, steady, sheltered life that I know and have me at his side.
If he’s king of this town one day, I’d want to be brave enough to be his queen. Even if I have no idea what that means now, I could learn. If only he’d give me the chance. He won’t. It feels like I’m always going to be trapped being the dutiful daughter. My destiny will always be set apart from Gray’s. I’ll have to watch from a distance as he comes to power, knowing full well that no one is invincible. There’s a shred of truth to every monster story. Demons come in all shapes and sizes, most of them masquerading in the skin of men. What can I do against all that?
“A whole bunch of things had to happen for you and Raiden to even meet. You might not have ever become friends, but the universe decreed it.”
He stares at me, eyes glistening ferally in the dark. We don’t speak again for a long time, but our breaths settle into a matched rhythm. I note the very second a shadow skates across his face. I blink, waiting for it to leave, but it doesn’t. My entire body clenches up tight, washed in heat when I feel the tension vibrate in the air between us.
I know Gray will start the car, laugh this off, and take me home. He’ll put space between us, do the obligatory stuff until I leave for college, and then probably pay someone a large amount of money to keep tabs on me in order to fulfill his promise to my brother to keep me safe. It’s breaking my heart that I can’tsee Raiden. He won’t let me visit. I write to him, but it feels like I’m notdoinganything. I know there’s nothing I can do, but helplessness is the worst feeling in the world.
Gray doesn’t move. Doesn’t grab the keys and crank the engine over.
I freeze, still as a marble pillar, when his tattooed hand reaches between us. He brushes a stray curl behind my ear in one fluid motion and withdraws. He barely even touched me, but that near graze was a thousand times more intimate that when he offered me his arm or shielded me with his body as we left what was supposed to be the most magical night of my life behind.
This is the most magical night of my life.
He coughs loudly and then throws back his head and lets out a bellow of laughter that would shock the hell out of anyone else, but not me. There’s no sound I love more in the world than that husky, throaty laughter.
Whatever tension or spell or fever dream existed between us is quickly shattered.
“The past and the present aren’t the places to be living.” He looks so perfectly composed that I can almost believe he means it. He’s back to looking at me like a little sister again, fondly, with love etched into his features. Did I imagine those shadows and heat tracing his face like a lover’s caress? “I should get you back home.”
“it’s not that late yet.”
“Still. I think your parents would be happier knowing you’re safe.”
“Safe,” I grumble, but I reach for my seatbelt and click it in place. “That’s all I’ve ever been and will be.”
“If I have anything to do with it.”
I know what he means, and it burns through me like a red-hot sword of disappointment. Safe like a child. Like the little kid I’ve always been. Raiden and Gray never wanted me to grow up. They never allowed me space or a boyfriend or a moment of self-discovery. They’ve smothered me the same way my parents have. I both love and hate this city. I hate the restrictions caging me in.
I want so much more. I want to claim this man, I want to be the one at his side, on the back of his bike, sharing his bed and his house and his life. I want to walk through his life with him, shelter and protect him like he has for me all these years. I want to share his worries and his laughter, even his tears. Gray isn’t like other men. He isn’t afraid to cry.
I want to throw myself across the stupid short gap between us before he starts this car and drives us away from this moment forever.
I don’t do it because of Raiden. Because of Gray. Because none of us are ready yet.
They’ve looked after me all this time, cared for me, body and soul. If I want to look after them the same way, I have to keep them safe from the one variable they never planned for.
Me.
Chapter 3
Tyrant
Six months can’t change someone like this. Not on the outside. Yet, they have.
People have this vision of Washington in the winter. They think it’s a tropical paradise just because it doesn’t have mountains of snow unless you’re really up in the mountains. The rest of us who actually live here know that it isn’t true. You can’t ride a bike when it’s constantly raining and when it’s cold enough for that rain to freeze and become deadly and dangerous. The days are short, the rain gets into your bones until you think you’ll never be warm again.
