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Gray killed his own father and I’m still going to drive there. I’m going to tell him that I want to be his woman, and I know that means I’ll have to learn fast and burn the world down with him if he requires it.
My hands are unsteady getting the stupid key in, but everything else is smooth. The car purrs, the garage door openswith a click of the button on the visor, and soon I’m turning out of it and down the back alley.
Driving at night never bothered me. I always found it more soothing than frightening, but the dumb gun in the glovebox is giving off sinister vibes and I’m half consumed by nerves, which makes it hard to sit still.
By the time my headlights sweep off the highway and over the glinting, huge chrome outline of Gray’s bike and I see him leaning against it, wearing a leather jacket, a white t-shirt, and jeans, I nearly burst into tears.
I pull up behind him, but he doesn’t waste time or words having us on the side of the highway, even though there’s almost no one on the road. He revs his bike and the loud rumble as it roars to life vibrates right through the ground and up into the car. That familiar sound immediately soothes me. I was only ever afraid of it when I first got back to Hart and had no idea how or when I’d see this man again, or what I could ever possibly say to him. The growl as he turns onto the highway brings back a whole host of childhood memories that swamp me in the most nostalgic way. Bikes have always been a part of Gray’s life, so in a way, they’ve always been a part of mine.
When we enter Gray’s yard through the backroads and the break in the trees surrounding it, my heart gallops with the fear of finally living. The white farmhouse stands above us, not judgmental, but comforting. The last time I was here, I promised Gray my life. I’m here to do that again, but this time, only death will separate us. I couldn’t be here if that wasn’t my oath. Gray deserves nothing less.
He dismounts his bike, body flexing under the leather and denim. I’m momentarily distracted by him before I notice thesecurity cameras on the house. I try not to panic, hoisting up my sleeping daughter and carrying her inside behind Gray instead. I wait until he has the front door shut, just in case that security can pick up what we’re saying.
“Is someone monitoring those or is it just you?”
“Wizard sees everything from the control room at the clubhouse.”
I nearly sway on my feet. “What… but- they’ll know I’m here. I told Raiden I was going for a drive.”
“I’ll say I found you out there and was worried. I got you to follow me back to make sure you’re okay.”
I can tell how much he hates having a ready answer for this. One day soon, we’ll figure out how to admit the truth and then we won’t have to hide.
“Do you have a room where she can sleep?” I indicate Penny, her angelic face resting on my shoulder.
“The guest room upstairs. It’s not far from mine.”
I want to be the queen I thought I could be, not a scared little rabbit following Gray upstairs.
His guestroom is typical farmhouse, with an antique bed, white metal bedframe, a washbasin with a blue and white pitcher and a patchwork quilt on the bed. It’s so far from how I’d expect a biker to live, that I ask him what I did the first time I was here. “Did these get left behind?”
He doesn’t answer me this time either, just quirks his scarred lips in the golden hall light slanting over the wide floorboards from the hallway. He looks longingly at Penny when I set her down on the bed. “Can I touch her?”
Oh, Gray. “Yes. Yes, of course you can.”
He strokes her cheek with one inked knuckle. “Every time I see her, I’m just in awe.”
“Loving us so much could ruin your image as a big, mean badass.”
“People can think whatever they want. There’s nothing wrong with loving your woman and kid. Anyone fucks with her, and they’ll see the terrifying side of me then.”
“Will she be okay while we talk?”
He’s so close, but he leans even closer, hot breath on my cheek. “My room’s right across the hall. You’ll hear her if she wakes up.”
I drop my eyes, needing to tap into adrenaline and not anxiety. “Okay.”
He carried me up here last time. His room is different. The furniture has been replaced with an immaculate mid-century modern set in amber hued wood. The walls are hung with paintings, mostly landscapes in gold frames.
“This has changed, so you did buy the furniture. How did I never know that you liked antiques?”
An impossibly faint blush appears above his beard. I see it when he flicks the light on. “I like to save the chrome and leather for me and my bike. These matched the house.” I can tell that’s not the reason. I wander over to the built-in bookcase on the far side of the room, floor to ceiling, painted and distressed white to match the walls. “I didn’t know you loved reading this much either.” Not enough to fill up a whole wall. I’m not here to discuss books, but I can’t help but run my fingers over thespines. So many of them are classics. Old, but not for show. Gray doesn’t like useless clutter. He’s never worried about impressing anyone.
He stays on the other side of the room, near the door, to give me space. I have the feeling that he’d leave if I needed him to. He won’t press me to do this if I’m not ready, but I am.
“I was wrong. That’s all. If I was listening to someone else describe my life, but not knowing who they were talking about, I’d be judgmental. But… it’s not someone else. I did all those things. I made you suffer. I did it to myself and Penny. I have a long way to go before I can be the woman you deserve, let alone your queen.”
He wants to interrupt me, but I silently plead with him not to. He sees my struggle and he waits. “If you’ll have me, I want to start now. I need more friends in this town, and I’d be grateful if any of the old ladies would have me. I don’t deserve your forgiveness and I certainly don’t deserve your love and trust, but if you’ll put it in my hands again, I swear to you that I will work every minute of however long it takes, to be worthy of being the one who stands by you.”
