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Maybe that’s not even his number? I certainly won’t go downstairs and ask Raiden what it is. If he hasn’t kept the same one, and why should he all these years, then I just texted someone else in the middle of the night.
My heart jumps when I see the three dots on the screen.
Gray:My house, going to the club shortly. What’s happening? Are you okay?
My next breath comes out hard, fanning over the pillow. It’s half relief, half tension. I’m going to do this. I have to do this.I’m doing it tonight. Now.
Me:I’m fine. Can you stay for a bit? Watch for me?
Gray:What do you mean?
Me:I need to talk. Will you wait for me?
Me:I know you’ve been waiting a long time already.
Gray: I’ll be on the side of the highway on my bike, so you know where the turn is. You’ll miss it otherwise.
Me:Is that safe?
Gray:For me it is.
Me:I’ll be there in twenty. I’m bringing Penny.
Gray:Okay.
Gray doesn’t question my choices, the time of night, or my ability to properly mother our child. He’s just going to drop everything and be there for us because we need him. He might not be a hero, but heroes are overrated. They’re too selfless. They have the good of the world on their mind and they’re willing to sacrifice any individual for the benefit of many. Penny and I wouldn’t even matter to a hero.
We matter to Gray.
I bundle Penny up with her favorite blanket and haul her out of bed as soon as I’ve changed into jeans and a sweater. Not the sexiest outfit, but this isn’t about seduction. Gray forgave me. He’s been waiting for me for years. It’s time that I truly came home.
Penny doesn’t even stir. I grab her favorite soft gray bunny just in case she wakes up in the car. I creep downstairs and find Raiden in the kitchen, where I knew he’d be. I can smell pepperoni and cheese and realize he’s put a pizza into the oven.
He narrows his eyes when he sees me, searching for bags, and my heart crunches like someone has stepped all over it with heavy soled boots.
“I’m only going out for a drive. I can’t sleep. I- I haven’t done a lot of sleeping at all. I need this to breathe.”
He rubs his hand over his buzzed hair. “I was thinking about getting a tattoo for mom. A rose, on my throat.”
He’s trying to tell me that physical pain is his version of breathing. A moment of silent understanding passes between us.
“I can watch her,” he says, nodding at Penny.
“It’s okay. I want to take her with me. I wasn’t there for part of the funeral and even though she said it was fine and you all said she was okay, I just don’t want to leave her alone again. She probably won’t even wake up.”
“There’s a gun in the glovebox in case you run into any trouble.”
“What the… what?” I whisper-hiss because Penny’s face is tucked on my shoulder. “Are you… why?”
“It’s been there for ages. I just didn’t tell you about it. I’m telling you now because it’s the middle of the night. Do I expect trouble? No. Do you now know how to shoot, or at least basically? Yes. So, it’s there.”
“I’d be just as likely to shoot my own hand off as I am to get the bullet where it’s supposed to go, which is nowhere. I could never shoot someone!”
“You don’t have to shoot them. Sometimes you just need to threaten. It’s loaded. If you need to do more than use it for show, aim to maim, not to kill.”
I’m speechless. In the end, all I can do is nod. If Raiden thought there was a real threat out there, he wouldn’t let me leave the house and we’d be under guard. Gray never would have let me leave. Half the club would be lined up the length of this street keeping watch.
I still feel beyond unnerved as I get in the car. I settle Penny in her booster seat in the back, buckling her in. She kind of wakes up, but goes back to sleep when I smile at her and let her know everything is fine. I get behind the wheel, hesitating with the key hovering by the ignition. I set them down and open the glovebox. The sight of the firearm makes my stomach hurt. It seems ironic that I’m bothered by this when I’ve overcome the fact of what my brother and the man I love are both part of, have done, and could possibly do in the future.
