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A full minute passed as he stood there, reeling. Then, he threw up all over his shoes.
Chapter
TWENTY-SIX
Robby
Robby squeezed his clasped fingers together as he knelt on his living room carpet and sent up a prayer of thanksgiving. Not only had he gotten Brady into a room at the Q-Center, at least three other rooms had occupants when he left tonight.
He’d barely rose to his feet before a battering knock shook his front door. His first thought, even after all these years, was maybe John had finally found out what he’d done and had come to collect. It rooted him to the floor.
“Robby!” Matt’s voice echoed from outside.
Some of Robby’s tension eased, and he drifted over to answer.
Matt’s shoulders hunched forward as he stepped into the living room. His hands were crammed deep into his pants pockets.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” An emptiness swirled around the words as Matt forced them out.
“What are you—”
“I met Parker this weekend.” Matt bit his lip. “Old friend of yours?”
Robby sank into a chair. “Yes.” Where was this going? It couldn’t be good.
“He said some pretty awful things. To me and to Patty.” Matt pulled his hands from his pockets and flexed his fingers at his sides. “Did you have sex for money?”
The question hit him harder than Matt’s fist ever could have. “Not exactly. I mean—”
The sad shake of his lover’s head stopped him mid-sentence. “He said you fucked people in front of an audience, Rob. Went to sex parties.” His voice grew duller with each word. “He talked about the cocaine. I guess it was your drug of choice.”
Robby buried his head in his hands. This couldn’t be happening. “I can explain. It all happened a long time ago. Itold you.”
Matt dropped down to the sofa and laced his fingers together. “You told meyou’ve been through some stuff.” He kept his voice low even as his words betrayed his distress. “I thought you meant you had an asshole boyfriend or two, like the guy who showed up at the site. Or maybe you had to live on ramen noodles for a while. I had no idea it was anything like this.”
He squeezed his eyes closed. “I knew about the drugs, or at least your struggle with addiction. But the sex club I didn’t see coming.” When he blinked, his haunted gaze locked with Robby’s. “I don’t care about your past. I love you no matter what, but he was talking about you snorting up and tag teaming guys in front of Patty.”
Tag-teaming? The only time he’d ever done anything like that was when John had sent him out with Harry for the night. When Harry had invited over a group of his friends, all as single-mindedly focused on their own pleasure as their host, all as happy to treat Robby like a fuck-toy to use and discard.
Even high as a kite, it had been the worst night of his life and the last night of Harry’s.
Well. Here it was. At the end of it all, Matt was just like everyone else. He saw the real Robby and wanted nothing to do with him. He only wanted the idea of him. The construct. Or at least, he needed a different kind of guy to parade in front of his ex.
Robby wouldn’t let it hurt. No.
No one—nothing—would have the power to hurt him again.
Rage bubbled hot beneath his skin and he sprang to his feet. “You want to know if I’ve fucked more than one guy at a time? Yeah, Matt, I did. Though you don’t have to worry. I’ve been tested, and I’m clean. I wouldn’t have screwed you otherwise. I fucked for money, though, and food and a place to sleep at night. I did enough coke to give myself nosebleeds.”
Years of fury shook him to his core, and in long strides, he crowded Matt back against the wall. “You want to know what else I did, you perfect fucking bastard? I slit a man’s throat. I prayed to God to strike him dead, and when He didn’t, I did it myself, and I’ve never regretted it a day in my life.”
Matt reeled back, like the words struck a physical blow. “You don’t mean that.” He shook his head, banishing the idea. “This isn’t you. Iknowyou. But Patty doesn’t. And you were back at that awful place tonight.Tonight, Rob.”
“I was doing outreach for the Q-Center.”
“She won’t care. She’ll take Jimmy, Rob. I can’t live without my son.”
“I’d never ask you to.” Robby faltered then, the reality of what was happening nearly taking him to his knees. “You’re breaking up with me.”
