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Brick and Kane still debated, albeit in hushed tones, as they went back into the house.
“I wish you hadn’t seen that,” Robby muttered. He eased himself down to sit on one of the steps leading to the trailer.
“Onlyyouwould worry aboutmyfeelings after going through such a thing.” Matt rubbed at the legs of his pants, willing his racing heart to slow down.
Robby smiled. “If I’m worrying about you, I don’t have to worry about me, now do I?”
Matt settled on the step beside him. It was a tight fit, but not an uncomfortable one. “You used to go out with that guy?”
“John,” Robby acknowledged. “Yeah. We lived together for about a year and a half, not long after I first came to Atlanta.”
“How long ago?”
Robby rested his head against the railing. “Seven years or so.”
Seven years? “I thought you were my age.” Seven years ago, he was still a junior in high school.
“I’m twenty-three. You’re doing the math, aren’t you?”
He’d been sixteen. God. “How old is he?”
Robby shrugged. “Forty-one? Forty-two? He kept his age kind of close to the vest. I think he was in his mid-thirties when we were together…and seemed kind of prickly about it.” He furrowed his eyebrows. “Well, I guess, on one hand, he didn’t like to be reminded of his age, but in some ways, he played up the whole Daddy dynamic.”
“Daddy dynamic?” Matt echoed.
“He likes ‘em young. What can I say? I had nowhere to go. My parents kicked me out with nothing but the clothes on my back. I slept on the street. In the shelters.” A shudder wracked his frame. “I may have been a kid when I left home, but in the few months it took me to find John, there was nothing left innocent about me.”
The longer Robby spoke, the deader his voice sounded. It made Matt’s chest tighten. He had so many questions. Why would Robby choose a man like John? What had happened in his early months in Atlanta? The look on Robby’s face stopped him from asking.
Obviously, the answers were nothing good. Still, this wasRobby. “You don’t act like—I mean, you’reyou. You’re sweet, and maybe you’re not innocent, but you definitely don’t seem jaded.”
“I don’t? Good.” Robby huffed out a breath through his nose. “I’ve been through some stuff. I’ve done whatever I had to do to get by. Some of it I haven’t thought about since. You want to know how I stay me? That’s how. I dig a hole and I bury things there when I can’t bear to face them. They’re not entirely gone, but they’re far enough away I can focus on having a different kind of life. I can believe I deserve friends and family, someone to love me.”
Could Robby not face his past—or was he just not ready to share it?
“I was the person I needed to be back then.” Robby gestured to himself. “This is the person I need to be now. Both of them are real. They just live in different places. I adapt. It’s survival.”
Something about those words made Matt uneasy, but if he were being honest with himself, the last half hour had pushed him entirely outside of his comfort zone. “Well, whoever you are, I’m here for you. I might not be able to get rid of a body, but I’m great at providing a distraction, and I’m an even better listener.”
“Thanks. It means a lot to have people who can accept me for who I am. Whoever that is.” He gripped the railing and pulled himself to his feet. “You deserve the same thing.”
Matt turned over those words as Robby returned to the trailer. He appreciated the sentiment. The only problem? Maybe like Robby, he wasn’t sure who he was.
And there was no one he could talk about it with. Not Patty, for obvious reasons. Not his mom. Gross.
So how did he figure it out? If he knew who he was for sure, maybe he could safely explore whatever he felt toward Robby.
There was a definite attraction there. Patty was so sure he was gay, but it felt more complicated. Why did he only feel this way about one man? He’d never really spent enough time around any other gay guys to see if there could be a spark there. Maybe the first step was in changing what he was exposed to.
He looked over his shoulder, then pulled out his phone. A quick Google search provided the names of about two dozen places listed as gay bars. And one was right down the street from Closing Time.
Briefly, he wondered if the club was where Robby had been drinking before he asked for a ride home Saturday night. He brushed it off. Even if it was, it seemed unlikely Robby would be going out again tonight.
Resolved, he stuck his phone into his shirt pocket. He’d keep his PlayStation plans with Robby, but afterward, he’d try the bar. No one would have to know. And maybe it would give him the answers he’d asked about himself for as long as he could remember.
Chapter FOURTEEN
Matt
