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Robby stood. “My name is Robby, and I’m an addict. I’ve been clean for almost five years. It’s been a while since I needed one of these meetings. But I’m really glad you’re still here.”
He sipped at the nasty brew in his hand, debating whether to talk about his trip to Nitro. Even at his lowest, sharing the sordid details of his past with John had always been beyond him. It was easier just to talk about the drugs. “I wanted to use tonight. I didn’t.”
The guys he didn’t know went on to introduce themselves, and he relaxed, falling into their stories. With such a small group, the meeting wrapped quickly, but it gave him the renewed resolve he needed.
Thomas approached him as he tossed his now empty cup in the trash by the door. “I’m glad to see you’re still fighting the good fight, my friend. You know, you can call me anytime things get tough.”
Robby had never really been into the sponsor thing. He’d never trusted anyone enough, but he had called Thomas to talk him off the ledge a few times in the first year. “I appreciate it. I’ve still got your number.”
They walked out together toward the cars parked down the street.
Two guys stumbled ahead of them, arms linked, into the storefront next door. It was hard to make out many details about the office in the dark, but Robby recognized the pride flag in the window.
He paused, trying to catch a glimpse inside. “You know this place?”
Thomas nodded. “It’s a community center for LGBT folks. We’ve had a couple of the kids sit in on our meetings.” He frowned. “Some of them have been through hell, man.”
Hell. Robby knew it well. “I’m sure.” Shaking his head, he resumed the trek to the car.
“Have you—do you have a good support network, Robby?” Thomas stopped beside a red Mazda pick-up. “I’ve worried about you.”
Robby shrugged. “I’ve got people. But none of them who…know. I have a new life now. I don’t want them to know this side of me. I can’t risk losing them.”
Even the thought of going back to a life without Brick and Kane made his stomach clench. He loved them, and he knew with his whole heart they loved him back.
“I understand. It can be easier to talk about the hard stuff with strangers. It doesn’t matter what they think but hear me out. You can’t ignore your recovery or your addiction. The system works if you work it. Whether you use me or someone else in your life, just make yourself accountable. You feel me?” Thomas unlocked the door and swung it open but didn’t climb in.
“I feel you.” Robby held out his hand and Thomas gave him a firm shake. “I’m not going back to the way things were. No way. No how.”
He’d keep it together, no matter what life threw at him next. It couldn’t be as bad as what he’d already endured.
***
Note to self: Avoid the club scene at all costs.
Robby scribbled the thought onto the last piece of paper attached to his clipboard, then let the stack of schedules, supply requisitions, and memos drop down to cover it.
He always kept the old wooden board in his hands on a job site. It helped him stay organized, an essential skill for his role as the foreman’s assistant. But just as importantly, he needed access to those loose-leaf pages of his journal where he could unload the thousand and one feelings sitting on his chest at any given point of a regular day.
It was vitally important to keep them to himself. The last thing he needed was for his co-workers to know what a giant dumpster fire he was on the inside.
“Where did I put those plans?” Usually, he was so meticulous with his papers. Misplacing them was like a sign flashing how far off his game he was after his disastrous night at Nitro. Seeing John had thrown him into a real tailspin. He hadn’t wanted to use so much in he didn’t know how long.
The idea of going back to the club had seemed so liberating at first. Reclaiming his past or some garbage. Though in truth, loneliness had prompted it more than any big ideal. Now, he felt worse than ever. Scratch that.
He’d felt worse than ever last night. Today was a little better. The meeting had helped some.
Hugging the clipboard to his chest, shame over his lapse in judgment warred with pride over the new life he’d built. He had a best friend now, one who would do anything for him. Brick was the perfect example of someone who could have it all, and he exuded a contentment Robby wanted more than his next breath. Jealousy could be an insidious emotion, even though he knew Brick had dealt with his own demons before he found his happy ever after.
Robby lifted yesterday’s pizza box and looked underneath it. Maybe he could find what he needed if he cleaned up some of this mess. The plans weren’t hiding under the remnants of their Papa Johns.
“Crap.” Everything felt so scattered. He was supposed to hand those plans over to Brick first thing when his friend arrived.
Not that Brick would give him a hard time about losing track of them. In the past few months, Brick went from a growly bear with a thorn in his paw to someone who would offer friendship and family to the nobody assistant who everyone thought of as a kid.
Ha. He was hardly the person they thought he was. Though it would’ve been nice if it were true. He’d lived through things the men on the crew couldn’t even imagine. And he hoped they never did.
Brick stuck his head into the unfinished kitchen Robby had slipped into and ran a hand over his close-cropped dark hair. A year ago, a big guy like him would make Robby turn in the other direction. On the street, size had been a weapon easily wielded against the weak. Brick was easily six-foot-four and stacked with thick muscles from his years as an underground fighter.
