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“I need you, sweets. I don’t want to be without you.”
Fuck.
Turning to face her, I kneel on the bed and take her face in my hands.
“There isn’t anything you can’t do. You never needed me, not really. You need to let me go, and I need you to be fierce. Be the girl that stole my heart all those years ago, pchelka.”
I see fear in her eyes, I can feel it.
“We will find our way back to each other, I promise. I simply cannot exist without you.”
Resting my forehead against hers, I inhale her scent, like coconuts from her shampoo.
“Our love isn’t just inevitable, it’s destined. I’m going to need to you fight for us, pchelka. More than anything, look afteryourself, fight those demons until I’m back to help you. I need you to be okay while I’m away. Please try for me, baby.”
I kiss her and then wrap my arms around her holding her as close as I possibly can.
“I will try my best, Alexei. Don’t worry, just come home to me.”
I always will, it’s my purpose.
“When do you leave?”
“Tomorrow.” I hold my breath, waiting to see her reaction.
Her jaw tightens. “I can do this. I’ll be strong for us.”
“I love you, Lara.”
“I love you, all of it.”
I kiss her, like it’s possibly the last time. I will fight my damn hardest to make it back to her so we can finally live our lives how we were meant to, together.
“I’d never spend a single second away from you if I had a choice. I’d glue you to me if it was safe to do.”
We snuggle up under the covers and she settles in my arms.
I hold her tight. I don’t want to ever let her go.
I’m going to be empty without her by my side.
There is no me without her.
And feeling her body shudder from her silent cries is enough fuel for me to make sure I kill whichever motherfucker I’m sent there for.
CHAPTER 64
ALEXEI
Song- Sleep Token, Sugar
I can’t fucking sleep.The voices plaguing my mind won't shut up. Usually, I don’t care, I welcome them.
Now, I know what I have to do and I feel like I’m about to rip my only source of happiness away from myself.
A sacrifice I’m not ready for and I know Lara isn’t either. But it’s the only way.
Brushing her hair away from her face as she sleeps soundly with her head resting on my chest. I wonder if she can feel my heart pounding.
