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She pinches the skin on my stomach. “You know what I mean. I just don’t think I’m all that special.”
“Believe me, you are,” I say, and the words are genuine for once. So many times, I’ve faked how I felt to get things from people, but I don’t want to manipulate Sage. My emotions are real, and I hope that she can feel them just as strongly as I can.
She snuggles closer to me again, her warmth making me feel more comfortable with what I’m about to tell her. I haven’t spoken a word about this to anyone before, not even to Ivan or any of my men over the years. It’s been locked up in the back of my mind, unable to be expressed.
And yet, that one event is what made me the man I am today. It defines me in a way that nothing else ever could.
“So,” Sage says, her voice calm but curious. “What is it that bothered you so much about the man in the blue suit?”
I’m surprised by her question, and I can’t help but laugh. “This isn’t about him.”
“You kind of had a meltdown when you saw him, no offense.”
“No offense, but it had nothing to do with him. It was more about you,” I reply in an equally snarky tone. “You shouldn’t assume things about me. It’s dangerous.”
“No more dangerous than joining the Bratva.”
I grin. “You’re difficult sometimes, Sage, but that’s what I like about you. I need a good challenge in my life, and things have been a little too easy lately.”
“I’m all the fun you could ever desire,” she replies, wrapping her thighs around my leg and squeezing.
I reach down and rub her soft skin, breathing deeply as I prepare to change the tone. I wish I didn’t have to talk about such horrible things, but it feels right to open up to Sage. She’s the only person I’ve felt this comfortable around.
“I told you that my family had been murdered,” I begin, my throat going dry mid-sentence.
“Yes,” she replies simply.
“Well, it really wasn’t just a quick hit. There was more happening at the time. The people who were responsible were ruthless in ways I could never be. I know that sounds crazy, but you’re going to hear some serious shit in a second.”
I feel Sage’s body grow stiff against mine, like she’s bracing for a physical impact. I think she might prefer one over what I’m about to say.
“My father’s bar was doing well. Too well, in fact, and it started drawing attention from the local mafia. But these people were destined for prison with the way they operated out in the open. It actually shocked me that not all of them ended up behind bars after what happened to my family,” I begin.
“They were never arrested?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Not all of them, but I’ll get to that later. I just want you to understand the gravity of this lifestyle, what these people could do to someone like you. Death isn’t the worst thing.”
“You did bring me into this. It wasn’t exactly my choice,” she replies, running her fingers through my chest hair as though to show me that she’s not angry. She’s just pointing it out.
I take a slow breath, feeling the warmth of her hand and wishing we could stay in this bed forever. “Right, I did bring you in, and I will protect you. I promise I’ll do that for you because you mean the world to me.”
“Do I really?”
“Yes,” I reply with the utmost confidence. “You do, and that’s why I want you to understand the forces we could be up against. They don’t care about rules, laws, or what’s civil. They’re evil, and not in the same way that I am. If you care about people too much, you risk being destroyed by them in the end.”
“They turn on you? I wouldn’t do that,” she says. Her words have an edge of defensiveness to them.
“Perhaps not, but if someone did to you what they did to my family, it would destroy me. I remember clearly the day it happened. I was playing in the street with a rubber band I foundon the road just outside the bar. My sister had already gone inside with my parents, and I was supposed to come inside. That’s whentheyarrived.”
“Who were they? The mafia?”
“Right, a couple of guys who had already told my father to close down his business and move, but my old man was hardheaded and didn’t like being bossed around. He stood his ground, and they made him pay dearly. The only reason I didn’t die along with everyone else was because I was outside when it happened, watching through the window while they defiled my sister and mother before murdering them all.”
“Oh my god,” Sage whispers, gripping my chest hair so hard that it hurts.
“I don’t know how long it went on, really. I was fixated on it, torn apart by the image of my mother and sister being assaulted while my father was beaten senseless. I wanted to do something, but I couldn’t. I was stuck. I think for a long time, I felt guilty about not helping, but now I realize I would’ve been killed had I intervened. They knew I was out there watching, but I think they enjoyed making me suffer, knowing I was helpless.”
“I hate people so much. Why is the world like this?” Sage asks, and I can hear in her voice that she’s crying.
