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Chapter Fourteen
Daphne
My cheeks flush. My chest too.
I'm in high school again. I'm in a limo with purple-red lights, pretending bad wine is champagne, playing truth or dare.
And just like in high school, I desperately want to pounce on the opportunity, and I want to run away in shame too.
No. This isn't like high school. I know how to work through shame now.
I acknowledge the emotion. I feel it in my body, in the tenseness of my chest and the flush of my skin, and that awkwardness in my bones.
I experience it, and I let it go.
There's nothing wrong with wanting Jackson.
There's no reason to feel ashamed of a desire. Any desire. Even a truly perverse one.
And this is positively vanilla by anyone's standard.
I want a hot guy.
I want the chance to kiss him without consequences.
Who wouldn't?
As it did in high school, the space freezes.
No one knows what to make of Zack's dare. They're not sure if he's some sort of bold innovator or if he's some sort of reckless asshole.
The truth is, he's both.
He'll probably parlay his hockey money into a career as an investor. I only hope he develops a post-athletic career paunch. Otherwise, he'll be way too conventionally appealing. The annoying personality only adds to the whole maverick millionaire vibe.
I try to focus on Zack. He's only a year younger than I am, but I still see him as a little brother. Maybe because of his personality. Maybe because he came into my life when he was so young.
Why is it I don't see Jackson as an older brother?
Why do we want who we want, anyway?
"Zack." Jackson interrupts my intellectualizing. "Don't."
"Don't what? Play the game?" Zack shakes his headridiculous. "Do you not want to kiss Daphne?"
The question is a trap. There isn't a right answer for him, and he knows it. The frustration appears on his brow. Then his green eyes.
He can't sayof course, I want to kiss heror everyone here will know he wants me.
He can't sayof course I don't want to kiss heror everyone here will see him reject me without tact.
He wants me. He does. I can feel it.
But all of a sudden, I'm not sure how much he wants me. Maybe I overestimated his desire or underestimated his loyalty to his sister.
Maybe I'm seeing whatIwant.
This is a way to do it. To see how much he wants to melt into me. How willing he is to cross this line.
