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“Still, Mom…”
“It’s not an excuse for what I did. Not at all. I’m not saying that. I’m just trying to tell you a little of what I was struggling with. I know this isn’t an easy fix, and I want to do the work to fix my relationship with you kids. I love you, and I love Conor. Sadly, your dad and I have decided to get a divorce, but I think we’ll both be much happier, and in the end, it’s the right decision.”
“Says you.” I grip the napkin in my hands.
She extends her hand toward me, but I don’t take it. “In time, you’ll realize it too. I know you only see us under the lens of your mom and dad, but we were once like you two.” She eyes the empty chair to my right. I open my mouth to respond, but she quickly continues. “That isn’t me saying you’ll be sitting in my seat down the road. It’s just to tell you that we were once two young people very much in love. And maybe we didn’t nurture that love but ignored it and let it die. And then we didn’t take the time or effort to try to bring it back to life.” She shrugs. “Those are what-ifs that I can’t keep thinking back on. I have to move forward with my life. For myself. You and Conor are all grown up. It’s time for me to figure out who I am.”
Hearing her confession is hard, but I am happy she’s finally being real, even if I still don’t agree with what she did.
I reluctantly move my hands up to the table and let her take them.
“I know that hoping you’ll come back and work with me is futile, but I do hope you find your love for design again. You’re exceptionally talented. And if you ever do want to come back, the door is always open.” She squeezes my hand and retracts hers, picking up her mimosa and sipping it. “I love you, Kyleigh, and I’m sorry you had to see me with someone other than your father. I can’t imagine how painful that was.”
I push back the tears and nod. I’m not sure what to say.
“Thank you for hearing me out,” she says.
“Thank you for being so transparent.”
I am thankful she told me where her head was. Why she did it. Every other time I talked to her, I felt like she wasn’t taking ownership for her actions, and she was being impulsive and immature and selfish, but I understand a little more now. I’m not sure how we’ll ever get to the place we were before, but it makes me want to at least have some sort of relationship with her.
I’m just not ready to think about what the future looks like for us. One day at a time, I suppose.
“I know I’ve been hard on you, tried to direct you to live the life I thought you should. Not that there’s a blessing in this, but I think all of this coming to light has really helped you find yourself. Figure out what you want in this life. And it’s something I should’ve allowed you to do a long time ago.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I say, really looking her in the eye for the first time during this brunch.
She glances over my shoulder. “Will you stay for brunch?”
I’m not sure I want to honestly, but it would be a step in the right direction.
“Let me go get Rowan.” I slide the chair back and leave her, weaving through the tables.
Rowan slides off the stool when he sees me coming and opens his arms. I step into them, and he envelops me, squeezing me tightly. Tears sting my eyes.
“Are we leaving?” he asks.
I pull back from our embrace. “I think we’re going to stay.”
His easy-going, sweet smile tips the corners of his mouth. “Okay.”
I take his hand and guide him back over to the table.
And we have brunch with my mom. It’s awkward and uncomfortable at times, but it’s also a little comforting and a step in a new direction.
I’m not sure where it will take us, but I think I’m okay with that right now. She’s right—I’m finding myself, and it feels really good.
Forty-One
Rowan
Today isthe first game of the regular season.
I wake from my nap and find Kyleigh on the floor of my family room, her legs stretched under my coffee table, her sketchpad out and a row of different colored pencils in front of her. Music plays lightly from my speaker. She’s made herself at home, and I fucking love seeing her so comfortable in my space.
After my skate this morning, I asked her to come over and work here so I could have some time with her before heading back to the arena. She must’ve come in while I was napping now that she’s got the codes to get in.
I walk around and swing my leg around her, sitting on the couch and straddling her from behind. I eye her design, a wedding dress that I assume is for Alara. Kyleigh’s starting to find her passion again. She’s made me stop more than once at a fabric store, and she talks about the design she’s thinking when she sees a fabric or pattern she likes or points out a storefront and compares it to how she’d set up her own store.
