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She grows quiet again, and I know whatever she’s going to say is unthinkable for someone her age to have heard. An age when everyone believes what other people think of them.
“That he’d ruin his reputation for a girl who would lie there like a dead fish while he fucked her.”
My heart drops to the depths of my stomach like a stone. “Fuck,” I say because nothing I can say will change that memory of me.
She doesn’t speak.
My mind is spinning. What an asshole my younger self was. How could I ever say that? To speak so vilely of someone? It’s not who I’ve ever been.
“Good night, Briar.” I get up from sitting outside her door, walk into my room, and shut the door.
I go into my en suite and turn on the shower, then return to my bedroom and strip off my T-shirt. I need to wash the mental filth covering my skin. I’m a complete and total asshole.
My bedroom door whips open.
“That’s it? ‘Good night, Briar’?” Her eyes are filled with fire, her hands clenched at her sides.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Briar
“What do you want me to say?” Emmett asks, standing shirtless in his bedroom. I hear the shower running in his attached bathroom.
God, he’s so damn sexy. I hate the fact that I just relived one of my worst memories, and I’m still drooling over the idiot.
“I don’t know, Emmett, maybe ‘I’m sorry. I can’t believe I was such a dick.’ It was really hard to tell you what you said.”
He tears his vision away from me, looking at the floor, but I step closer.
“I’m an asshole.” His voice is rough like the leather on his cowboy boots.
“Look at me.” I get so close I’m almost pressed against him, and I dip my head, not giving him a choice but to meet my gaze.
“What do you want me to say? I’m fucking sorry? Of course I am. Hearing you say that I said those things is tearing me apart, but sorry doesn’t take it back. Sorry doesn’t rewind time so I can fix it. Sorry doesn’t do shit.” He steps back and pulls his eyes away from mine.
“I—It would still be a nice thing to say.”
“Then I’m sorry.” His hands fly up at his sides.
I throw my hands in the air, matching his movement. “Oh, that was heartfelt.”
He goes into the bathroom, and I follow him. He’s in front of the sink, resting his palms on the counter, back arched and face etched in pain.
“I am so fucking sorry, Briar. I just…I don’t know why I would ever be so cruel. The fact that I hurt you like that is killing me. For years you’ve harbored this hatred for me, and I couldn’t figure it out. Why in the hell would you move in with me? Why would you entertain staying here after what I did?”
I sit on the edge of his built-in tub. “I’m not sure I have an answer. But it doesn’t matter because you’re not that guy, Emmett. My time staying here has taught me that you’re not who I thought you were.”
He turns around, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms. I’m annoyed with myself that I notice how it makes his biceps and pecs bulge. “I’m not sure about that.”
“No—”
He raises his hand. “Don’t. Don’t sit there and try to make me feel better. I was a son of a bitch, and I’ll own it. Don’t make excuses for my behavior.” He sighs. “I have no idea where we go from here.”
My head tips down. I’m not sure how to answer his question. I still can’t believe I’m entertaining something with Emmett, and not because of what he did when he was eighteen, but because I’m pregnant… and not with his child.
“I don’t know. I’m having a baby. You’re the only one who knows. I’m scared, Emmett.” My tears break free. Tonight has been way too emotional, and these damn hormones make it impossible to push down my feelings.
“I’m scared, too, but I’ve never felt like this. Ever.”
