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“And that’s what convinced you to ask me for another chance?”
“Yes.” He sat back as if he had adequately explained anything.
I still had questions, and there was still the small matter of my hurt feelings. “I appreciate your ‘come to Jesus’ moment, but I’m not sure it has anything to do with us.”
“I ran away because I didn’t think I was ready for a family.”
“But now you are?” I was skeptical.
“Well, no,” he admitted. “But I’m ready to stay put and let myself grow where I’m planted.”
“That sounds nice, but what does it really mean?”
He pressed his lips together, trying a different tactic. Our drinks arrived and we had to put in our orders. As soon as the waiter left, Linc tried again. “I didn’t think I could be happy here because I felt like the town was too small. I didn’t think I could be happy with you because you wanted me to stay. But now I want to stay, and I don’t want to live without you.”
That was the magic phrase that I needed to hear. None of this circling around the issue, talking about the town or random strangers at the grocery store. I needed to know that he was committed to us, that he was interested in making our relationship work.
“What guarantee do I have that you won’t pull the same stunt as you did on Friday?” I asked, getting down to the basics.
“I can’t promise that I won’t get scared,” he began, “but I can promise that I will talk to you instead of running out.”
I sighed. I wanted to believe him. With all my heart, I wanted to find myself back in his arms, but that little voice of doubt would not fall silent. Linc’s betrayal had hurt worse than any other insult I had ever been subjected to. I needed to know that I would be safe before letting him back into my heart.
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
“Okay,” he agreed.
It obviously wasn’t the reaction he had been hoping for, but it was something. If he thought I would abandon my own agenda and crawl back into bed with him after one fancy dinner, he wasmistaken.It would take at least two fancy dinners, the lustful part of me bargained. I shut her down. This was serious.
Linc had hurt me and I had a right to take things slowly. Still, the idea that I might one day soon find myself wrapped up in the sheets with him was exciting.
I let the subject drop and we had a perfectly good meal. He was a gentleman, refraining from making any suggestive statements or gestures. I appreciated the patience he was displaying but secretly wished for some pillow talk. It was a Catch-22, and I knew it. If he made any advances, it would feel like it was too soon, but his lack of passion was disappointing.
He paid for the meal and we walked back to my car. I still didn’t want to drive, so I let him drive home. He went to his place, not to invite me in, but to save himself the trouble of having to walk home.
“I hope this is okay.” He hesitated, putting the car in park outside his home.
“It’s fine,” I agreed.
“Would you like to come in?” he offered, no hint of lust in his voice.
I knew what would happen if I went in. There would be some awkward conversation, after which one of us would kiss the other, and then we would fall into bed. Or maybe Linc would tempt me into trying it out on the couch. Either way, it would effectively kill the only leverage I had.
“No,” I said reluctantly.
“Okay.” He accepted my decision and climbed out. “Can I kiss you goodnight?”
I had to walk around the car to get to the driver’s side, so I climbed out and met him on the sidewalk. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” If I kissed him now, with his bedroom such a short distance away, I knew what would happen.
I was torn between wanting him and wanting to soothe my injured ego. I couldn’t fawn over him as I had done in the past. He was the enemy, the man who had broken my heart. If I let myself get swept away again, I would just open myself up to more trouble. No, I had to be firm. I took the keys from his hand and climbed into the car.
He shut the door for me, standing back to watch as I pulled away. Inside my head, I was cheering. Linc liked me, he really liked me. He was willing to swallow his pride and get down on one knee to win me back. Maybe not get down on one knee, but he had said he was willing to consider a future and possibly even a family. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, and I knew that the next time I had an opportunity to kiss him, I would.
27
LINCOLN
Itried not to be disappointed. How did I think it was going to go? Did I think that she would just fall back into my arms after a few deliveries and one fancy dinner? It had taken me so long to explain my rationalization for wanting her back. It seemed to me like everyone in my life had been asking me to reevaluate my choices. They hadn’t accused me of anything, even though I knew I had been the biggest ass on the planet.
