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I stared at the steps, contemplating the journey to the top. My leg felt as if it had been put through the wringer, like the bullet holes were about to spill blood again. I wasn’t sure if I could make it up and down, but I wouldn’t give up.
I caught Aly looking at me and I tried a brave smile.
“Have a seat,” she said, understanding. “I’ll ask Porter to come down.”
I sat gratefully. “I didn’t think it would be this bad,” I lied. I had known it would be bad; I just thought I would be able to dealwith it. I hadn’t counted on the exhaustion in addition to the pain.
“Did they tell you that you wouldn’t normally walk again?” she asked.
“Uh, no.” I waited for the feeling of discomfort at the mention of my injury, but it didn’t come. For some reason when Allison asked, it didn’t seem intrusive. “They said it would be a long recovery, though.”
“What happened?” Her eyes were wide, not so much curious as concerned.
“I was shot,” I said simply. I didn’t have the language to describe the situation, that afternoon in the stone house with the sun shining. There just weren’t words that could convey the entire story, so I let it go with a simple truth.
Porter walked in just then, relieving us of our privacy. “So, how was the first day?”
“Fine.” I stood up.
“You don’t have to—” he started.
“I’m fine,” I said, shutting down his compassion.
He shrugged. “Okay. So tomorrow you can clock in and go straight to the barn.”
“Got it,” I said.
Porter clapped me on the back and left me there in the reception area alone with Aly. I would need to keep it together long enough to call for a ride back home, but I didn’t want her to know how difficult that was going to be. Conserving my energy for the next half hour, I nodded goodbye and stepped out the door. Orderingthe ride on my way, I crossed the lot back to the barn and sat down in the break room to wait.
Danny was there, as it seemed like he always was. “Ten minutes till the end of the shift.”
I nodded.
“Where’s your car?” he asked.
“I don’t have a car,” I told him.
“How are you getting home?”
“I called a rideshare,” I answered.
“Screw that,” he said, sounding offended. “Where do you live?”
“Just off Main Street,” I said.
“I’ll give you a ride,” he offered.
“It’s too late to cancel.” I looked down at my phone. The app said the driver was ten minutes away.
“You need a ride tomorrow?” Danny asked.
I held my breath for a moment. I didn’t want to ask for help but taking a rideshare to work every day was going to get expensive. Danny wasn’t a stellar employee, but he seemed like a good guy. I supposed part of re-entry into society was letting people help you every now and then. I released the breath I was holding and nodded.
Danny recognized my reluctance and smiled. “Text me your address.”
My ride arrived and I folded myself into the backseat with a grateful sigh. I didn’t have any energy left to talk to the driverand we rode in silence back to Mrs. Washington’s place. I opened the basement door and tumbled onto the couch. I didn’t move for the rest of the night, except grab a protein bar.
Too tired to even turn on the television, I floated somewhere just above sleep, my mind rehashing the day. Even though I didn’t dream, at least I was thinking about civilian life and not the horrors of war.
