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I shake my head, a singular tear rolling down my face. Mum reaches over and squeezes my hand. ‘I think it was me. I may have messed up.’
‘Not possible,’ Dad says and he gives me the same look he always has. I’m his girl. He’s always had every faith in me. I’m just not sure I can live up to his lofty expectations of me this time round.
‘I think I possibly got with him at the wrong time. I have to make some difficult decisions at work and I blurred the lines a bit toomuch,’ I tell them.
‘Did you shag him at work?’ my dad asks, looking horrified and sitting back in his leather armchair.
‘Baz!’ Mum squeals.
‘Noooo! Dad!’ And for a moment, I emit a small laugh. It feels nice to know I can still do that. I shrug my shoulders to have to reveal to them the extent of my dilemma. ‘Work have asked me to let one of my team go – part of redundancies they’re making across the company. They literally told me last Friday.’
‘Ouch,’ Dad replies. ‘I guess that’s one of the downsides of being the big boss. Did you let Leo go then?’ he asks me, trying to piece it together.
‘No. I haven’t made that decision yet. He found out and it made things awkward. He didn’t want us being together making things complicated.’
Mum winces to dissect the situation. ‘So you argued about it?’
‘Not really. It’s just Leo’s also friends with the others. He felt a sense of loyalty to them.’
‘Jasper and Frank…’ Mum recalls.
‘Yeah. How do you…?’ I say, narrowing my eyes.
‘Well, when you come back for Sunday lunch, you do talk about the three of them a fair bit. I’ve never even met them but sometimes I feel like I have,’ she tells me, leaning over and taking a biscuit from my plate. ‘They’re your work family.’
As Mum says it, my lip trembles because it was so true. I worked hard to grow that family too, to ensure that we did a good job and that everyone was happy. To have to be the person that fractures that is heartbreaking.
‘So, the thing with Leo went tits-up as a result?’ Dad asks. I nod, my breath shuddering to have to say that out loud.
‘We just put the brakes on it. I think. I don’t quite know,’ I say, through misty eyes. I think about his disappointment, the way he couldn’t look at me. I know it’s because of my secrecybut I also know it’s because I leapt into our relationship without really thinking.
‘And did you really like him?’ I nod again. They both look at me, pouting with sad eyes. It’s not often I say that, to them at least. Being with him felt so very right, it hurts. ‘So fire one of the other ones, right?’ he says plainly.
‘It’s not that easy, Dad,’ I cry. ‘I’ve spent a few days here and there with them over Christmas and they’re all entitled to their jobs, they are all great lads. I’ve met their families, I’ve learnt a lot about each of them and…I just can’t…’
Dad sighs, taking a long sip of tea. ‘You always spoke of the rich fella with the double-barrelled surname. Surely he’ll be fine?’
‘Posh, turns out he’s not that rich,’ I inform them. ‘Plus, I recently met his boyfriend. It was big thing for him to introduce me to his other half.’
‘Oh. And the other fella?’ Mum asks.
‘A bit socially awkward, late bloomer. This was his first job, it’s all he knows really. I worry how he’d adapt.’
‘That’s part of growing up though, right? Adapting,’ Mum tells me. ‘Your dad and I didn’t have it easy but sometimes change builds a touch of resilience.’
I rest my head on her shoulder when she says that. Maybe the difference though was that her and Dad had each other. I know Frank is making strides in his relationship with Norah but I worry what the upheaval would do. ‘Oh, hun. I don’t envy you at all,’ Mum tells me, trying to put an arm around me. ‘Plus, you were always so proud of that department. How awful that they’ve asked you to do this to your friends.’
As she saysfriends, my lip wobbles again and Dad urges me to pick up more of those Norwegian cookies again. ‘I’ll be honest, I don’t know what to do.’
I catch a glimpse of my graduation photo again, a mortarboard on my head, looking hopeful and full of enthusiasm for alife ahead of computer science. It had been a hardcore three years of data, machines and robotics, all very cold and clinical so it was always a surprise that my job would feel so completely the opposite and so very human.
‘You’ll do the right thing,’ Dad tells me with some certainty. Mum nods, taking a large sip of tea.
‘Which is?’ I quiz them, curious.
‘You’re just that sort of person, Maggie,’ Dad tells me. He follows my gaze and looks up at my graduation photo. ‘You know, I knew you were always going to fly because you’re smart. Smarter than I ever was. Like your mum, though I never said that out loud…’ Mum beams at him from over the sofa. ‘But you’ve always been good with people. You do right by them, you get to know them, you’re likeable, you have a way of knowing the temperature in a room and making it that bit warmer.’
I pout to hear him say it. That even in the face of all I’ve told him, he still has belief in me when all of mine has evaporated. ‘There’s no easy answer here but the reason it’s so confusing and hurtful is because you care about them all and I hope they’ll see that much.’
