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‘Whatever.’ The girls return with something in fur, like they’ve skinned a Muppet. ‘He’ll be too warm in that. Go. Maybe go downstairs and see if that one with the polar bears isdry. It’s on the radiator.’ She watches as they head down the stairs. ‘I want gossip. I need gossip.’
‘He’s someone from work. Frank…’
‘You’re dating that geeky kid from your work? Maggie!’ she exclaims almost sadly.
‘Well, we are all geeks in my workplace.’
‘Yeah, but he looks like he cuts his own hair.’
His mother cuts his hair, but I won’t tell her that. ‘Frank is a decent bloke when you get to know him but no…I’m going because he had a plus-one. It’s firmly in the friends camp.’
Gemma rolls her face to a sad snarl to know this story might not be as juicy as she had hoped. She puts a nappy on Harry, who giggles when she tickles his belly. ‘But how’s all of that? The love life stuff? How was that fella you met off Plenty of Fish?’ she enquires.
She’s referring to Paul, an accounts executive who I dated for four months earlier in the year. There were positives: he was good at buying me flowers, we both were mildly obsessive about the New York Times Mini Crossword and I don’t think his parents cut his hair. I look around to see if the girls are still downstairs.
‘Don’t know how to say it, it was just a bit of a red-flag situation?’ I tell her.
‘How so? God, he didn’t hurt you, did he?’ she says, concern etched in her face.
‘Oh no, it was little things. He used to order for me in restaurants and had crazy theories about the bottled water industry, and he was snobbish about the fact I liked sleek American medical dramas.’
Gemma looks at me, curiously. ‘He ordered for you?’
‘Yeah. I think he thought it was gentlemanly but it really came across as a touch controlling…’ I think back to one night in particular. It was a pop-up restaurant in town. I was eyeing up some halloumi and had to have a terrine instead. I didn’t realise how sad that would make me – to be denied a choice – but also how obsessed I really am with Greek cheese.
‘Oh, that’s red flags all over. You do love a medical drama though, it’s bordering on obsessive.’
‘They’re my safe space, Gem. We all have our things. You keep a folder of photos of Harry Styles on your phone.’
‘I do,’ she says defensively.
‘The difference is that Nate knows and doesn’t judge you for it.’
She smiles, cocking her head to one side. ‘So no one since him?’ I know she’s asking this out of concern, but I don’t think she realises that what she and Nate have is very special. They are two people who clicked in terms of sense of humour, interests, likes and dislikes, and over the years, through a few relationships and infinite numbers of bad dates and hook-ups, I’ve realised that sort of alchemy is truly hard to find.
‘No. It’s got so bad, I’m actually spending Christmas with all my department this year,’ I tell her. It feels a bit strange to say this out loud. I perhaps should have run this by Gemma when we came up with this plan in November so she could tell me if it was an awful idea or not. Does it cross a line? What could go wrong? Does it make me look completely sad and desperate?
‘What?’ she asks me, confused, her pity starting to peek through.
‘Wedding with Frank, two days with Jasper, a jaunt up to the Lakes with Leo.’
‘Is this a mandatory work thing or a strange four-way office romance? Like a reverse harem situation?’ she asks the baby, her eyes big and wide.
My eyes open wider. ‘Gemma, no. There is no romance involved. They simply heard I was going to be alone this Christmas so they’ve invited me into their homes and family events. It’s actually quite sweet, if a little sad.’
‘What about your mum and dad?’ she asks me. Harry starts to whimper and she picks him up, sitting back on to her bed and lifting her T-shirt up, unclipping her bra to release one of her boobs. I’ve known Gemma long enough to not be shocked by the sight but I do always marvel how her tits have grown exponentially with every child. She starts to massage one in the way I would do a joint of meat to marinate it, before sticking her nipple in Harry’s mouth.
‘Mum and Dad are off on a cruise.’
‘Maggie, you should have said,’ she replies dolefully.
I shake my head at her. ‘I knew you were going to spend Christmas with Nate’s family this year. It’s fine.’
And it is totally fine. She’s just had a new baby; there was no way I was going to burden her over Christmas with me too. In fact, in the last few weeks, it’s been nice to plan this mini-Christmas adventure. I’ve not wanted to go into any of these situations empty-handed so I’ve been buying presents, finding out more about each of their families. Frank even drew me a family tree to explain the sheer number of cousins he has, and I found out things I’d probably never have got to know otherwise.
‘If you had to though,’ she asks me cheekily. ‘Like if we had a Snog, Marry, Avoid situation with the three of them…’
I hope she can read my horror with the face I’m pulling.
