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“You must tell him, Noa,” he said, his words as clear as the winter sky. They chilled me more than the breeze.
Because through all of it,thatwas it. The one thing that held me back.
I’d gotten so good at keeping my secret, I didn’t know what it would be like if I finally shared it with him.
I was always better at tending to my secrets than I was at loving him. And that was a recipe for a disastrous end.
“What if I don’t? I…I can’t live through that horror again.” I watched the sadness in his eyes that I was sure reflected in mine.
“’Twas a sad day, when I was chartered with that duty. But you have to tell him. If he finds out on his own, he will not forgive you.”
“What if he leaves me again?” I buried my face in my hands. After a few moments of gathering myself, I looked over at him again.
“Tell him, Noa. He deserves to know.” The old man stood. “Hewillfind out. Don’t waste time.”
I ran my hand down the back of my neck. My sweat had since dried, and I felt the crisp morning air slip between the layers of my clothes.
“You will find your end at the bottom of your drinking glass.” The words brushed against my ear and into my mind, stamping themselves there.
Because my hand had already been there, I felt the prickle of goosebumps below the back of my hairline.
I glanced over to where the old man was.
But I was alone.
I ran back to Tracey’s, my pace faster than usual.
I opened the front door quietly, hoping to remain unnoticed. Tracey peeked at the door from the kitchen and beckoned me over. I figured she’d be awake. She was always the first one up.
She handed me coffee when I walked in. I set it down and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, chugging it.
“Went for a run?” she asked, her eyes perusing the day’s newspaper.
I nodded. “Seemed like a good idea.”
“Today will be hard. But we’ll all be here. I do have something I want to talk to you about. It seems like, with all the chaos, we haven’t really gotten a chance to be alone.” She paused and looked me in my eyes. “I wanted to say I’m so sorry for your loss. I remembered your brother from your birthday party. You two shared a rare connection, having gone through hell together. Also, I wanted to tell you I’m so happy you had the time you needed before coming back into Dex’s life. The girl I met and the woman you are now, they’re so alike in so many ways but so different in the best ways. You’re stronger, and your love for Dexter, it’s beautiful. Just as strong as his love for you.”
I placed my hand on hers. From the moment she brought me a banana smoothie to chase away my hangover, we had this bond. She was almost like an older sister, telling me stories about Dexter I’m sure he’d kill her for.
“As true as that may be, I want you to understand if you’re serious about this, you can’t leave Dexter again. He wouldn’t be able to get over it. He almost didn’t go to school, Noa. It was like his reason for living was gone. And now that Molly is almost gone, he’ll need you to stick around. I’m asking you—begging you—if you aren’t going to stay, leave now. Before it’s too much for you to handle.”
I understood that I could never really promise her I wouldn’t go anywhere, but I said what I could. “I know you’re worried. But don’t be. As long as we’re alive and he wants me, I’ll be here.”
“Finally,” Dexter said from the doorway.
I held my hand over my heart, startled by his interruption. I could only catch my breath for a moment before he swung me in his arms and excused us before jogging up the steps.
“Put me down, caveman,” I shrieked, thumping him on the back with halfhearted punches.
Once he shut the door behind him, he threw me on the bed. I was still laughing when he lay on top of me. Still laughing when he kissed my neck. I stopped laughing when his hand went up my shirt.
“I just came in from a run,” I said, wriggling underneath him. “I stink.”
“Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. I worry that if I make the wrong move, you’ll leave again. Or worse, you’ll start drinking again. Hearing what you said downstairs made me not worry so much.”
I tried to keep a straight face. His hands went farther up my shirt, and I hiccupped over my next breath. His fingers were touching sensitive skin, and we wrestled to lift the barriers between us.
It was different this time. Of course, there was the undeniable need that felt like the world would burn if we didn’t get to each other. But it was sweeter this time. We spent more time looking into each other’s eyes, and Dexter spoke hushed words into my skin, telling me I was beautiful and that I was his. That he’d follow me forever. I couldn’t speak, let alone form a coherent sentence, but I let my actions speak for me. The gentle slope of ecstasy made me shudder, and when I came back down, he was still whispering.
