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“No.” I stepped right up to her, then grabbed her hand and led her to my bathroom. “You can sober up and then make a decision. Until then, you’re my responsibility.”
“Oh, someone’s feeling charitable,” she slurred, and I jerked back like she slapped me.
I grabbed her tighter and pushed her into the shower, turning on the water. It only took moments to warm. I stared at her, anger making me breathe in and out carefully. The water cascaded down and Noa began to sink. I followed her down, making sure she didn’t slip. I tilted her chin, so her eyes met mine. “Do not talk to me like that, Noa. I don’t deserve it.”
Through her drunken haze, she looked remorseful. Then her face crumpled. “And what do I deserve?”
“You deserve me! So pick me!” How could I help someone who wassofucking rooted in their misery?
She sobbed, her hair matted to her skull, mascara tracking down her face. “Why are you still here, Dexter?”
I pulled her closer, whispering against her, “Because it’s where I’m meant to be.”
I came back to be right here. With you.
“I’m fucking everything up. I always fuck everything up,” she said as she fought her tearful hiccups. “I’m going to keep fucking up.”
“Shh. We’ll get you some help. And I’ll be right by your side. It’ll get better.” I murmured sweet words into her hair until she calmed down.
Once she did, I led her out, gave her a change of clothes, changed my own, and stepped out to make her a cup of tea. When I made my way back upstairs, she was asleep in my bed.
And because I needed her as desperately as she needed me, I climbed in beside her, pulling her right next to my heart.
* * *
I can’t tellyou what happens next. Have faith in the actions that led you to her.
The sun wasn’t up when I woke up. I looked over, noticing how peacefully Noa slept beside me. She’d curled into me, tucked in a protective ball. I slid from the bed as gently as I could and went into my bathroom to brush my teeth. I looked at my now-recognizable face and noticed the tiredness in my eyes. My hair was wild, and I pulled it in a bun while I walked over to my computer. I needed to do some classwork, and I figured I could while my mind was still racing from the things that happened a few hours prior.
I was almost done when Noa stirred and sat up, blinking. Then she ran to my bathroom, and I heard her cough over my toilet before vomiting. I didn’t know if I should go in there or not.
“Dexter?” she called out, her voice weak.
I pushed the door open, and when I saw her sickly pallor and the sheen of sweat on her skin, I kneeled, wiping her damp hair from her face. “What do you need?”
She sat motionless, staring at me. Her eyes devoured me, and the longer I stared at her, the more I felt her give in to me.
She ducked her head back toward the toilet bowl and heaved, letting go of everything in her stomach. When she looked up again, she asked for water.
I wiped her hair out of her face again and stepped out, heading down to the kitchen for some water. I was surprised to see Tracey already there, blending something.
“Happy New Year. What are you doing?” I asked with a smile. If I ever thought I understood women, Tracey would surprise me, bringing me right back to square one. If I couldn’t understand the woman I lived with, I’d have no hope with Noa.
“Making a banana smoothie,” she answered, like it was something she normally did. “Happy New Year.”
“Have a taste for it at eight-thirty in the morning?” I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. I turned and noticed a tray on the counter. There was toast, a bottle of water, two pills, and a pickle.
She placed the glass filled with thick, frothy liquid on the tray and nudged me aside. “There are things I don’t expect you to understand quite yet, Dex.”
I followed her as she headed to my room.
When she went into my bathroom, she turned to me. “I’ve got this covered. Go play with your computer or something.” Then, she shut the door in my face.
Dexter
I pacedmy room for a few minutes before putting on shoes and a jacket and getting in my car. I would lose my nerve if I didn’t just leave in that moment and think about the consequences later.
I parked at the regular hospital entrance and hopped out, trying not to run to the receptionist. I didn’t want to look like a crazy person.
