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Misha chuckled. “Something about dwarves? I don’t know. He’s very proud of killing whatever it is.”
“Of course he is.” Shaking my head, a small laugh made its way out, a combination of the fear I’d been bottling up and exasperated amusement at my Russian hitman, killing people even under anesthesia. Before I could help it, the laughter turned to tears. I tried to sniff them back, but it was too late. Once the floodgates opened, they streamed down my cheeks with no sign of stopping.
Sasha was fine. He was alive. Maybe minus a kidney, but plenty of people functioned on one kidney. I should have been happy, not crying all over myself because of a scenario thathadn’thappened.
“I’ll check in later,” Misha said quietly before excusing himself.
I tried to wipe the tears away, but within seconds, my face was streaked with more of them.
When Sasha looked up again, his pale gaze narrowed at the same time his mouth set in a hard line. His hand wobbled in the air, reaching for me, until I leaned down and nuzzled my wet cheek against his palm.
“Vse putem,” he murmured, his thumb stroking my cheekbone.
“No, it’snotalright, Sasha! You’renotalright! I’m so fucking mad at you right now,” I said through clenched teeth, trying and failing to not lose my shit entirely. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself! What am I supposed to do if something happens to you? People are never going to stop coming after you and I can’t fucking lose you! Not like this. I want it to be to cancer in fifty years because you won’t quit with the fucking cigarettes. Or liver failure because of how much you fucking drink. I don’t want to lose you before we’ve even had a chance to really live.”
I didn’t know if he heard a word I said, or if the English dictionary in his brain was even up and running yet. He didn’t say anything after the conclusion of my tirade, he just gazed up at me, blinking slowly now and again.
“I love you,” I said, releasing another flood of tears.
His hand shifted off my face and his fingers slipped through my hair, moving around to the back of my head. Pulling me downward with one hand, he reached for me with the other. As soon as I was close enough, he snagged my shirt in his fingers and yanked.
I got the hint and climbed into bed next to him, balancing precariously on the edge while curling up against his right side. It seemed safer to deal with his injured bicep than a punctured kidney.
Wrapping his arm around me, he buried his nose in my hair and sighed. His chest rose and fell steadily, his breathing deepening. Less than five minutes later, he was asleep.
One of the nurses came in sometime after that, glowering at me and the fact we were squished into a bed designed for one person. I shrugged and gestured at him helplessly. I mean, what was I supposed to do? He clearly needed rest and I was trapped beneath his arm.
Instead of making me move, she shook her head and walked out again. I was probably asleep before she even reached the nurse’s station.
35
SASHA
One month later
“I’m done,”I announced, squaring my shoulders.
Misha turned toward me, his head cocked. “Excuse me?”
In the weeks following Kazimir’s death, my life came into sharp focus. With him dead, the last threat was gone. There could always be others, but if I left that world, perhaps they’d have a harder time finding me — finding Roan.
I planned on sitting down with Misha, him and Sergei both, and explaining the reason for my decision but I couldn’t wait. As soon as I was more or less healed from my surgery, I sought Misha out at his penthouse, prepared to do anything to secure my release — pay for it, bleed for it, or make him bleed for it.
“I’m done, Misha. Finished. Kazimir was the last kill for me.” Despite the look he gave me, along with the furrowed brow, I held my ground. I couldn’t afford to second-guess my decision because for the first time in my life my decisions didn’t just impactme. “I have to get Roan away from this. He deserves more.”
“Where will you go?”
“I have no idea. Wherever he wants.”
Misha was quiet for another moment, his jaw shifting now and again until he stuck out his hand. “I understand. You will be greatly missed.”
I shook his hand with a small smile. “Can you set up a time to meet with Sergei for me?”
“I’ll tell him. After all, I did say the man who killed Kazimir could claim whatever reward they wanted. If this is what you truly want, I cannot go back on my word.” He took a step closer, searching my face. “So, is it? What you truly want?”
I didn’t even hesitate to answer. “I want Roan. I want to keep him safe and give him the happiness he deserves. I can’t do that if I’m the Wolf.”
He nodded as I spoke, but there was a touch of sadness in his eyes when he smiled. “I wish you two nothing but the best, wherever life takes you.”
