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“Do you have a favorite piercing?” I huffed, flexing my abs to stop myself from squirming again beneath his hand.
“This one.” He touched the silver hoop in his nostril. “I thought my dad’s head was going to explode the first time he saw it.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle again. At least he was a pain in the ass to everyone and not just me.
“These,” I answered at last, bending one of my legs to show him one of the giant eight-point stars on my kneecap. They matched the smaller ones on either side of my chest.
“Oh my God. Didn’t that hurt?” he asked with a grimace, running his thumb over the center. “It’s all bone there.”
I shrugged, lowering my leg again. “No. Nothing hurts.”
“Nothing?”
“No, not anymore.”
“What does that mean?”
Shaking my head, I sat up, swiping my suit jacket off the floor. I fished my cigarettes out of the pocket and slipped one between my lips, lighting it to Roan’s objection, as desperate for the nicotine as I was for the interrogation to end.
“This is a non-smoking room,” he pointed out.
“Do I look like I give a fuck?”
“At least go by the balcony. Jesus.”
Obliging him, I stood and pushed the sliding glass door open, blowing the smoke outside.
“You know those will give you cancer, right?” he asked, rolling onto his side and propping his head up.
“I’ll be dead before I get cancer.” I inhaled and held it a moment, exhaling through my nose and adjusting my lean against the doorframe to a more comfortable position.
“Does anything bother you?”
“Yeah.” I flicked some ash off the end, squinting at him. “You.”
“Funny.” He sat up, raking a hand through his disheveled hair. “I’m going to go take a shower.” He didn’t wait for a reply before he slipped off the bed and padded to the bathroom.
Staying right where I was, I finished my cigarette, trying to figure out what the fuck I was supposed to do now. I had the key and technically I still had Roan. It wouldn’t take much to knock him out and drag him back to the safe house. Or, I could leave. Get dressed, walk out the door, and never see him again. That would have been the smarter thing to do.
Roan was worried about cancer; I was worried about an even darker disease. It already claimed Pavel and now it was poised to take me too. No matter how much I screamed at myself internally or punished my body for reacting the way it did, I couldn’t stop it.
But if Viktor wanted him dead, Roan didn’t stand a chance. Since my boss had yet to make that decision, I didn’t want to let Roan out of my sight, even if it meant I had to go back to stalking him. It would probably be easier now that he’d graduated and was presumably back at his father’s house. I wouldn’t have to chase him all over campus or follow him to his lessons after class, forced to listen to children absolutely butchering the violin. How he remained so patient and encouraging was a mystery. I would have broken the instrument in half and cursed the brats for disgracing music.
No, I couldn’t let him go only to keep stalking him. Seeing him, even from a distance, was a reminder I didn’t need.
I could always fake his death. Find a guy with his build, his hair. If I mangled the face enough, Viktor would never know. Roan could move on with his life and I could pretend like none of this ever fucking happened. Glancing at the rumpled bedsheets, I took a drag off my cigarette and looked away just as quickly.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I rubbed my forehead with one hand. It was easier to blame Pavel for everything, to say it was a stupid indiscretion in my youth, dumb curiosity and nothing more. But twenty years later? I couldn’t use that excuse again.
“Sasha?”
Dropping my hand, I opened my eyes. Roan stood in the doorway of the bathroom, his head cocked to one side. “Are you coming?”
Taking a final puff, I flicked my cigarette over the balcony and closed the door.
“Are you ok?” he asked, watching me approach with a frown.
“I’m normal.”
