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“Oh, I am stuffed. I don’t know if I can eat one by myself, can we share?” She asked.
“It's not my fault you didn’t leave room for dessert, sorry. I’m eating a full desert,” I teased. “I’m sure you’ll find room.”
“I’ll find room but my dress might burst at the seams.”
That night as I lay in bed with Emma’s back pressed into me, breathing in the shadow of her perfume, I couldn’t fall asleep. There was a growing pit in my stomach; I was afraid of what the reactions would be to my announcement tomorrow. Nothing could change my mind about my decision, but I was still scared of the reactions.
Chapter 20
Emma
I couldn’t believeI was waking up in a hotel in L.A. in Alex’s arms. I doubly couldn’t believe what had happened last night.
Alex revealed himself as a full-blown romantic. He had packed me a dress, dressed up in a suit himself, even got a matching red tie, and took me out to a restaurant that booked tables weeks in advance. I really didn’t think of him as the romantic type but maybe I had misjudged him. He was full of surprises and not one surprise had been truly bad. He was good for me.
Fuck, he was right for me.
I loved him.
I had never felt this weightless and happy. He made my worries go away, he understood me, and he was just there when I needed him. His first instinct is always to help and his second is to listen.
I’ve been battling with this for weeks now, but I had to finally admit it to myself that I loved him. Last time we talked about our feelings, I was still unsure, I was still holding back, but now I was scared that I had fallen faster than he did. I didn’t want to be the first to say it, but it was hard to hold it back. It was on thetip of my tongue every time he kissed me, every time we cuddled, every time he fell asleep in my arms while I was playing with his hair.
I wanted to tell him so badly. I didn't want to hold back anymore. He made me feel so safe with him and not only that but for the first time in a long time I was confident, without a doubt, that I was wanted. And I didn’t mean just physically. I knew that if I said that I loved him, he would try to say it back. That he would never ridicule me for saying it and that he would try to match it right away. But I wouldn’t know if he really felt that way because, frankly, I didn’t know if it was just my wishful thinking, or I was just naive, but damn sometimes he acted like he actually loved me.
I cuddled up closer to him and blinked back tears. It was so stupid to cry over this. Just as I was praying not to wake him up with my sniffling, a ball of snot slid down my throat and made me cough.
“You okay?” Alex’s sleepy voice startled me.
“Yeah, sorry,” I said hoarsely, burying my face in his chest so he wouldn’t see I was trying not to cry.
“Hey, what’s wrong, baby?” He ran his hand up and down my back as a full on sob wracked my chest.
“Nothing, I’m fine,” I tried to assure him.
“You’re crying, it’s not nothing, Em. Talk to me,” he coaxed, kissing the top of my head and keeping me close.
“I promise, it’s nothing. Let me just collect myself and I’ll be fine.”
For a while, Alex quieted down and just held me. When I finally felt like I was well again, I dared to look up only to see his eyes were glazed as well.
“Oh, Alex, I promise it was nothing,” I said once again. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m sorry, I just wish I could help when you get like that,” hehad to stop to clear his throat. “It’s unbearable seeing the person you love struggling and not knowing how to help.”
More tears bubbled up to the surface. “Alright, I’ll tell you,” I took a deep breath and swallowed before meeting his eyes. “I love you and I’ve been in love with you for a while now.” I put my hand up to his chest. “I don’t want you to say it back, I just need you to know that I’m in the deep end and I’ve wanted to say it for a while.”
“You were crying because you wanted to tell me you loved me,” he narrowed his eyes and searched my own. “Fuck, Emma you are going to be the death of me.”
He kissed the tears away from my eyes until no more came out, and when I was back to feeling like myself he turned around to get something from the drawer of his nightstand. Alex had a mischievous grin on his face as he turned around and handed me a small envelope.
“What's this?” I asked as I opened it.
“Just a little surprise,” he said with a wink.
Inside was a voucher for a, wait, a cosplay photoshoot?
“I thought we could get some cool pictures of our cosplay, you know, just for us to have. I booked us a photoshoot. We need to be there in a few hours," he explained.
