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“Wait, Ryan as in PangoMango-Ryan?! Are you fucking kidding me?!” Casey stopped dead in her tracks. “I’m going on a double date with PangoMango as my date?”
I nodded. “Yup, I met him during the twenty-four-hour stream, he seems like a great guy. Alex speaks highly of him.”
When we got to the bar, we immediately spotted where the guys were sitting. We walked up to them, Casey shook everyone’s hand—a little bit too enthusiastically—and took a seat next to Ryan in the booth. I couldn’t help but notice how Casey’s eyes lit up when she got to talking with him. They hit it off immediately, leaving Alex and me to talk amongst ourselves.
“So, does Ryan know about us?” I whispered to Alex.
He shook his head. “No, he doesn’t. Does Casey know?”
I bit my lip. “No, but she suspects. Maybe we should tell them?”
Alex considered this for a moment. “Yeah, I think we can. As long as I can tell Ryan, you can tell Casey.”
“Deal.”
I pulled Casey aside and told her everything; about moving inwith Alex, our secret relationship, and all the bullshit that came with doing my new job.
Casey’s eyes widened with each word. “Emma, you’re digging your own grave. It’s clear to everyone that you and Alex are together; even I didn’t buy your bullshit. You just need to announce it.”
I shook my head, feeling the familiar ache in my chest. “It’s not that simple. We’re still figuring it all out.”
She sighed, looking at me with sympathy that slowly turned to frustration. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I know,” I said, squeezing her hand. “But this is what I need right now. He has helped me a lot.”
“I know he has!” Casey gave me a knowing look and elbowed my ribs.
When we returned to the table with the guys, we were all on the same page. But that didn’t detract from the conversation.
“So, Casey, what are you studying? Where did you go during your year abroad?” Ryan asked.
“I was in Italy. I’m studying Architecture and Interior Design, so that was the most perfect place for me to go. I loved absolutely every second,” she explained. “Though I'm so glad to be back. I missed home and I missed Emma most of all.”
“I missed you too, Cas. See what kind of trouble I get myself into when you’re not here?” I teased.
“Anyway enough about me, how is the NLA circuit shaping up this season? I’m a big fan, but you probably already know. I’m the reason Emma found you, so you’re welcome,” she rambled.
Ryan answered. “Well, with Alex going into retirement, I had to scramble to find a replacement. You can’t just replace your partner of seven years. This honestly feels like a divorce and he hasabandoned me and all our children,” he said, playfully glaring at Alex.
“Just to point out, those children are our teammates who we have had to wrangle for years,” my boyfriend answered.
As the night went on I could see Casey really hitting it off with Ryan. Alex and I were discussing our schedule for the L.A. convention, but the conversation with Casey lingered in the back of my mind.
I didn’t miss the fact that Casey and Ryan left the bar together and wondered what Casey would tell me about it tomorrow.
When me and Alex got back home, I was still thinking about Casey’s words. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was just delaying the inevitable. But for now, this was the best I could do. I had to protect myself, even if it meant living in a constant state of secrecy.
I moved on autopilot when we got back home, going through the motions until my head hit the pillows, but these thoughts kept circling in my head even as I lay awake in bed that night in Alex’s arms.
I woke up to the smell of something delicious wafting through the apartment. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I stumbled out of bed and headed toward the kitchen. The sight of Alex at the stove, flipping pancakes, greeted me. There was a tension in the air, though, that I couldn’t ignore. I took a seat at the kitchen island, watching him. Finally he said something.
“What happened last night? You seemed off when we got back,” his voice was low and strained. “If I messed something up, I’m really sorry. I thought we were having a good time at the bar.”
I shook my head, feeling a lump form in my throat. “No, Alex.You didn’t do anything wrong. I had a really great time. It’s just—Casey said some stuff that made me think.”
He finally looked at me, his eyes softening when they met my own. He put the spatula down and walked over, his long arms pulling me into a gentle hug. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I nodded. “She just thinks it’s stupid that I want to keep this private.”
