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I climbed up the stairs and when I got to his apartment, I knocked on the door.
One heartbeat, two—The door opened and before I could even think it through I tackled him into a hug right there in his doorway.
“Woah, I didn’t expect that,” Alex huffed but didn’t make a move to pull away. Instead, his arm wrapped around my shoulders and kept me close until I let go of him. “Is there a reason we’re hugging? Not that I’m complaining.”
I barely heard him over how loud my heartbeat had gotten and how my ears were ringing. My arms were shaking.
“Yes and no. Well, yes, actually.” It took all of my strength to straighten up and pull my shoulders back, and then I dared to look up and meet his eyes. “I did two very scary things today that will change my life. I signed the contract with Lauren and I quit my job. I thought that because I was on such a roll, you know, I thought to do one more scary thing.”
“And hugging me was that scary thing?” He teased me.
“No,” I said, keeping my face neutral and my voice steady even though my heart was beating out of my chest and my eyes stung. I could feel bile rise up in my throat. “The scary thing is… I like you, Alex, and I’m tired of pretending I don’t.”
Alex's eyes widened. “You—you like me?” he stammered. His chest expanded as he took a shaky breath.
I nodded, feeling the weight of my words settle between us. “Yes, I do.”
He studied my face for a moment, his expression softening. “Fuck, are you sure about this, Em? Because once we cross that line there’s no going back.”
I nodded again, my gaze locked in on him. “I’m sure.”
Alex reached around me, his hand finding the doorknob. He closed the door gently, the click of the latch snapping me out of my daze. Then, with a swift movement, he pushed me against the door, his body pressing against mine. His eyes searched mine, filled with a mix of desire and uncertainty.
“I think it is pretty obvious that I feel the same way,” he said, chewing on his bottom lip. My eyes dropped down to savor the sight.
“I couldn’t have known for sure, you hadn’t flirted with me once,” I continued rambling, looking back up to his eyes.
“Because I’ve been trying really, really hard to keep this relationship professional, Em.” His voice sent chills down my spine as he leaned down to align his face with mine. He froze like that and just stared, until he finally sighed. “Fuck, I want to kiss you so bad. Can I kiss you?” The question was a whisper, an almost silent plea that unraveled me completely.
I answered by lifting my hand up to his chin and pulling him closer until our lips collided. My eyes snapped shut as I was enveloped in his presence and heat and scent. His hand came to rest on my waist, keeping me in place against the door. I moved both of my hands and wrapped them around his neck as I nibbled on his bottom lip.
He parted his lips right away and my tongue slipped inside totaste him. Fuuuck— Alex tasted like the last sip of an energy drink; warm, sweet, tangy, and I wanted more. I felt giddy and lightheaded and it was almost overwhelming.
I only pulled away when my lungs were burning for air. “We need to talk this through,” I whispered. “Before we do anything else. I need to know?—”
“What do you need to know?” He rasped, his hand letting go of my waist, lifting my chin to meet my eyes. “I will tell you anything, I will promise you the world, I will do anything for another kiss.”
My brain chemistry was permanently altered seeing him plead with me like that. Why was it so hot when he said it like that? My toes curled and my shoulders dropped as I was overtaken by so much want.
It took all of my willpower not to give in and kiss him again. “Let’s talk first. I promise I’ll kiss you as many times as you want afterwards,” I said, and nodded towards the couch in his living room. He peeled himself off me and I led him to the couch.
I plopped down on the soft cushions. He followed and sat down next to me, his thigh brushing against my own. “What is it? What’s bothering you?” He immediately reached out for my hand and held it in his.
I took a deep breath. “Whatever this becomes between us, we have to keep it a secret.”
He nodded. “I see." His thumb was tracing circles on the back of my hand. “Are you ashamed of?—”
I shook my head, squeezing his hand. “No, Alex, it’s not that. It’s just—I want this to be real, and I want it to be just ours for a while. I want to take this slow.”
Alex leaned in, his temple resting against my own. “I can do slow. Slow is good…” He trailed off.
“But,” I continued, pulling back slightlyto look him in the eyes. “I think we need some ground rules. Aside from keeping this a secret.”
Alex raised an eyebrow. “Okay, let's hear them.”
“First, we go on one date a week. Nothing fancy but just, you know, spending some time together outside of streaming and just hanging out.”
He nodded. “Wonderful. You've thought this through then. What else?”
