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“Evil people” understand that the world works against us. So it doesn’t matter what we do. We have to survive by any means necessary. We have to fight and claw to take a tiny fraction of what fate denies us.
I thought I could have love. It was impossible from the start. The universe doesn’t want me to have love. I’ve never been given it, not from my father or mother, not from friends or lovers.
I give up on love. I give up on kindness, friendship, integrity, mercy.
If all I can be is brutal, vicious, cruel, if that’s what I’m meant to be . . . then I’ll be the most brutal. The most vicious. The most cruel.
In a way it’s a relief.
I’m tired of fighting it.
It’s time to be who I really am.
36
ANNA
The party that takes place that night down on Moon Beach is the most epic of the school year. Almost every single Freshman is there, along with most of the Sophomores and even a good portion of the Juniors. The Seniors, of course, are entirely absent, furious that their final week at Kingmakers was marred by such a humiliating defeat.
Leo is laughing and telling the best parts of the story to anyone who wants to hear, which is a constant stream of students. He makes everything sound amusing and suspenseful, even the parts that were fucking awful, but I notice he’s leaving out one key detail.
He hasn’t told anyone that Dean tried to kill him. He admits that his regulator was torn off and that I had to dive down to help him. But he’s acting like it was an accident.
When I get the chance, I pull Leo aside and ask him, “What the hell are you doing?”
He smiles at me, slipping his arm around my waist and pulling me close against his body.
“What’s wrong, beautiful? You mad ‘cause I haven’t danced with you yet? Come on, I’ve still got plenty of energy. I’ll spin you around all night long . . .”
He’s pulling me toward the crowded mass of students dancing around the bonfire, already starting to sway me to the music.
“That’s not what I’m talking about—” I say, but he’s got his hands on my hips, his whole body pressed against mine, making me grind with him. Leo has such a smooth and enticing way of moving that I find myself putting my arms around his neck, dancing along with him before I even know what’s happening.
“There you go,” he growls in my ear, “isn’t that so much better?”
I laugh and nuzzle my face against his neck, breathing him in, feeling his warmth against my cheek. Leo’s heat radiates out of his whole body, flowing into me, warming me to my core.
“Now,” he says, “Ask me what you wanted to ask me.”
I say it to him quietly, right in his ear, so no one will hear over the noise of the music.
“Why haven’t you told anyone what Dean did?”
Leo looks down into my face. His eyes are glowing and alive from the reflected flames.
“You think that I should?”
“Of course you should! He tried to kill you—he probably will again!”
Leo frowns slightly. Not from anger—it’s something else.
“What?” I say.
“I just . . . feel bad.”
I stare at him like he’s lost his fucking mind.
“You feel bad for the person who tried to murder you?”
