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He wastes no time in spoiling the effect by slinging his arm over Chay’s shoulder, leaning on her heavily and trying to peer down the front of her dress while he drawls, “Save your first dance for me, princess.”
“You surprise me, Bram,” Chay says cheerfully. “I’ve never seen a pig that could dance!”
Bram’s burly arm tightens painfully around her shoulders, but Chay refuses to flinch. He pinches her chin in the claw of his hand and forces her to look up into his face until their noses are almost touching.
“That big mouth is going to get you into trouble someday,” he snarls at her. “Unless you learn how to use it for its intended purpose . . .”
“Are you talking about sucking cock?” Chay says calmly. “I’m sure you could give me some tips. Seeing as you’ve always got your mouth latched firmly around Dean’s?—”
Before she can finish that sentence and send Bram into a complete rage, Dean says, “Who’s talking about me?”
He came up behind me, silently laying his palm on my lower back so a shiver runs down the length of my spine.
“Nobody,” I say. “Bram was just leaving.”
Bram turns his scowl on me but doesn’t dare say anything with Dean standing right there. He lets go of Chay’s face and stomps off, leaving a wake of fury behind him.
“What’s his problem?” Dean says.
“Nursed too long or not long enough,” Zoe says drily.
Dean gives a little snort. “Is that what causes it?”
He’s in an abnormally good mood, and he looks abnormally handsome, too. He’s wearing a white dinner jacket with a single, pale purple bloom in the lapel. I wondered where he got it—probably out of one of the castle greenhouses.
Seeing my eye land on the flower, he says, “Don’t worry, I got you one too,” and he tucks a matching bloom into the velvet band holding back my hair.
As he does so, I glance across the room and see Leo watching us.
If Dean looks better groomed and better rested than ever, Leo is the opposite. I’ve never seen him such a mess. He hasn’t cut his hair in weeks, and the dark curls look wild. He likewise hasn’t shaved or dressed properly for the dance. He’s just wearing his normal school trousers and a button-up shirt, neither properly pressed.
But it’s his face that haunts me. He’s lost weight, enough that his cheeks look hollow and his whole frame is slightly diminished. Maybe it’s just the slump in his shoulders. Leo had always been illuminated by a light so bright it could blind you. Now it’s gone. He looked miserable, exhausted, and just . . . so fucking sad.
It’s killing me seeing him like that.
It must be the stress of theQuartum Bellum. We made it through the first challenge, but only just barely. I know that won’t be good enough for Leo. It’s all or nothing for him. Win, or kill yourself trying.
Leo and I have barely spoken since then. I know he hates that I’m dating Dean.
Maybe he misses me. I know I miss him—horribly and constantly. But I don’t kid myself that’s the reason he looks so distraught. Dean was right about one thing: Leo had his whole life to make a move on me, if that’s what he wanted. He never did. And when I tried to make something happen, he took the first opportunity to blow it up in my face.
That’s what I decided since that night—whether Leo consciously meant to hurt me or not, he had sabotaged anychance of us being together. He wasn’t ready, or he didn’t want it.
Either way, I’m not going to chase after him. I already opened myself up, made myself vulnerable, and look what it got me: the worst night of my life. I never want to feel pain like that again.
So I look at Leo from across the room, and I raise my hand in a silent wave. Letting him know that there are no hard feelings. That we can still be friends. But it’s better to be friends from a distance, for now. Until I can kill the part of me that still longs to run over there and feel his arms wrapped around me.
When I turn my head straight again, Dean is silently watching me. I know he saw me wave to Leo.
“Do you want to go over there?” Dean’s face is stiff and pale, like it always is when Leo comes up between us.
“No.” I shake my head.
Part of me desperately wants to go over to Leo, to try to heal this rift torn between us. To do whatever it takes to make things right, so we can talk and laugh and be comfortable together like we used to.
The other part of me knows that’s impossible.
Things could never go back to the way they were, so it’s pointless to try.
