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The next day she asked if I wanted to borrow herWalking Deadcomics.
Talking about graphic novels has turned into talking about movies and music.
I ask Rakel about her death metal, confused how that chaotic sound could actually be enjoyable.
“It’s not death metal, it’s black metal,” she says. “There’s a difference. And it’s not just music, it’s a religion to me. It’s about mysticism, mortality and immortality . . . The concerts can be hours long, with candles and incense and ceremonial offerings. We call it theUlfsmessa,the Wolf’s Mass.”
She plays some of the songs for me. I can’t say I enjoy them exactly, but I can see that they have more complexity than I realized. They can be haunting and even moving.
“It all comes from living in the land of endless darkness. And worse than that, the midnight sun,” Rakel says. “You can’t imagine the insomnia in the summertime. That’s why I like it down here.” She nods her head toward our arched stone roof and our windowless walls. “It’s always night when I want to go to sleep.”
Most of all we connect over our hacking classes. Rakel tells me that the whole reason she came to Kingmakers was for explicit instruction in dark web techniques. She’s wildly frustrated by our restricted access to technology.
“I hate only being able to practice during class time. I want my own laptop and internet access,” she seethes.
I hesitate, not sure if I should tell her that might be possible.
“You know Miles Griffin and Ozzy Duncan?” I say.
“Of course.” She nods.
“They might be able to help you with that.”
As we’re leaving our room, we run into Hedeon Gray.
“What are you doing down here?” I say in surprise.
Hedeon scowls at me. “What the fuck business is it of yours?” he says.
“Just asking.” I shrug.
“Well just fuck off instead,” Hedeon says, pushing past me on his way to the stairs.
“Charming,” Rakel says after he’s gone.
“He’s always like that,” I say, though in truth, that was extra rude even for Hedeon.
Behind us, Saul Turner exits his room, likewise heading for the stairs.
“Hey, girls.” He gives us a nod as he passes, slouching along with his hands tucked in his pockets.
“You think Hedeon was in Saul’s room?” I ask Rakel in an undertone.
She shrugs. “Could be. Don’t know why he was being so pissy about it—no rule against visiting other students.”
As we ascend the stairs and come out of the old wine cellar at ground level, I can just see Saul’s long, lanky frame heading in the direction of the library. Hedeon has disappeared.
“Come on,” Rakel said, pulling her sweater tight around her to try to block the wind. “Let’s run to class—it’s fucking freezing.”
13
ZOE
Miles and I have been seeing each other regularly since that day in the library.
It’s difficult because we can’t be seen alone together. Even when we’re in a group with Leo and Anna, Ares, Hedeon, Chay, Ozzy, and Cat, I have to be careful not to sit by Miles too often, not to stare at him too obviously. And especially not to touch him, no matter how badly I might want to do it.
Sometimes one dark curl will fall down over his eye and the temptation to brush it back off his face is almost irresistible. When his hand is only inches from mine at the dining hall table, I want so badly to feel his warm fingers wrapped around mine. It’s a physical ache, a craving stronger than any I’ve experienced for food or sleep.
