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Pulling up to my house, I see him sitting there on the second step, his arms on his knees, his hands in front of him. He looks up, and I see his face looks like he’s exhausted. “Hey,” I say, getting out of the car and slamming the door. He stands up by the time I make it to him, and he doesn’t lean down to kiss me, like he always does, which makes my heart speed up even faster than when I saw him.
“Hey,” he says softly. “We need to talk.” His voice is tight, and I nod, walking past him toward the front door and letting myself in. We should have had this talk outside so I wouldn’t have the images in my head. If he’s ending whatever this is, I should not let him do it here in my house.
I put my purse on the table, trying to control my breathing. Trying to control the way my hands are shaking, trying to control myself. I turn to face him, and he stands in front of me. His hands go to my face, and he holds it in them. I look into his eyes, wishing I had left the lights on so I could see his eyes for one last time. He bends his head, and I inhale when his lips touch mine. My hands come up to grip his wrists as he kisses me. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you,” he apologizes when he lets go of my lips, his thumbs rubbing my cheeks.
“That’s okay.” I try to steady my voice so it doesn’t shake with the way my heart is pounding.
“I was afraid that if I came to see you, I wouldn’t be able to wait until we were here to have this conversation.” I swallow the lump as I step back, his hands falling away from my face. “And I wanted to do this privately.”
“You don’t really have to do all of this, Charlie.” I try to let him off the hook. “It’s—”
“This morning when you left me, I didn’t go to work.” His voice is soft, and I look at him confused. “I had something to do beforehand, so I went to do it.”
“Okay.” One of my hands grabs my index finger, twisting it nervously.
“I went to Jennifer’s grave.” I put my hand on my stomach to stop it from lurching. “I went to tell her I’ve fallen in love with you.” The minute he says the words, I think the air is being sucked out of me. I have to put one hand on the table to stop myself from falling. “I told her she would always have a piece of my heart, but that it now belonged to you.” The tears come so fast and so hard I can’t even control wiping them, falling one after another on my hand that is at my stomach. “I told her it was time for you to have all of me.”
“Charlie.” I shake my head. “You don’t have to do that. I know how much you love her.”
He chuckles as he sniffles at the same time. “Exactly what I told her. I was thankful I wouldn’t have to hide the fact that Jennifer meant something to me.”
“I would never ”—I shake my head—“ask you to do that.”
“I know, which is another reason I love you like I do.” I watch his Adam’s apple rise and fall as he swallows. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know how I feel. I wanted you to know where I was.”
“I thought you were ending things with me,” I admit to him, and it’s his turn to gasp. “I also was telling myself that it was okay. But it wasn’t, I wasn’t.” My voice cracks, and I put my hand on my mouth. “This is more than anything I’ve ever felt before.” My chest rises and falls. “I never thought in a million years, after the heartache I felt, that I would feel this fullness. That my heart that was shattered into a million pieces would feel like it’s full again.” I close my eyes. “The guilt of loving you and wanting you weighed down on me each and every day.” He doesn’t give me another second to myself as he comes to stand in front of me. “Not sure if I deserve it or not.”
His thumbs catch the tears running down my face. “You deserve it,” he assures me softly, “we deserve it.” He rubs his nose with mine. “We deserve happy, baby.”
“You think so?” I ask, my hands going to his hips, gripping his T-shirt in my hands.
“I don’t think so”—he tilts his head to the side, his lips hovering over mine—“I know so, baby.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Charlie
“The water is ice,” I complain, getting out of the shower and leaving her in there. “It’s like ice pellets hitting my back.”
“Stop being such a princess.” She laughs as she puts her head back and lets the water rinse the shampoo out of her hair. “You swam in a creek before. It’s not warm.”
“I swam in a creek before when I was overheated, and it felt good.” I grab the towel.
“Well, were you not overheated from banging me against this wall?” She hits the wall on the shower.
“It’s not the same thing.” I glare at her, and she laughs, and it literally warms my fucking soul.
“Then maybe you aren’t doing it right,” she teases me, and I turn my head and walk out of her bathroom.
“I’m doing it fine,” I mumble as I pick up my boxers and slide them on before grabbing my jeans. “Do you want a coffee?” I shout to the bathroom, and she sticks her head out.
“You’re staying for coffee?” she asks, and I put my hands on my hips.
“Did we not have a conversation last night?” I ask. All she can do is stare at me, but in a cute way, with her trying to hide a smile by biting the corner of her lip, and I can’t help but walk to her. “What did I say last night?” She looks up at me, her hair wet and so are her eyelashes. I grab her face. “What did I tell you last night?” My voice is low as I turn my head to the side and kiss her lips. It's a short, wet kiss. “So?”
“You said you were in love with me.” Her voice is higher than a whisper.
“So that means I stay for coffee,” I inform her.
