Page 43 of Shattered Dreams


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She is the first woman to be in my bed in eight years. The first woman I want in my bed. The thought makes my head spin at the same time settling the achiness I have been carrying around in my chest for the past eight years. She turns to face me. “Thank you, Charlie,” she says softly, putting both her hands pressed together under her cheek, “for the ride this morning.” I move closer to her, putting my hand on her hip and pulling her chest up against mine. “And for dinner.”

“Anytime.” My hand on her hip moves to her back as I slide a hand under the pillow, and her head falls forward onto my shoulder. I lean down and kiss her head. I can’t resist not being able to kiss her the way I want to kiss her, so I settle for this. I close my eyes and settle into my bed. For the first time in eight years, I fall asleep with a slight smile on my face.

I open my eyes when I feel something tickling my nose. My hand comes up to rub it, and I find it’s Autumn’s hair. I look around the room, seeing it’s still dark outside. The bedside table clock shows me it’s a little past 2:00 a.m. The last time I saw the clock it was a little bit after nine when I had pulled her into my arms. Now I am on my back, and she is draped over me, her leg hitched over my thigh in the middle of my leg. Her head is in the middle of my chest. I put my head back and close my eyes, taking in the heat from her body when she stirs in my arms. Her body gets lighter on me and I know that she’s moved away. She picks her head up, sleep all over her face as she looks up at me. “Did I wake you?” I ask softly, and she just shakes her head.

“I don’t think I’ve ever fallen asleep so fast.” She moves her hand thrown over my abs to under her chin. “I crashed out.”

“Must be all the adrenaline.” I lift the hand that was just scratching, my face to move her hair away from her cheek. “I want to kiss you so bad,” I say the words, and I want to kick myself. Her mouth opens in a gasp. “But I won’t kiss you.” I can feel her heart beating on my chest, mimicking my own. “I made your life hell for the last eight years. I blamed you for things I know weren’t your fault, but I knew I had to blame someone, and you were the easy target.” She looks away from me as she blinks faster. “I don’t think there will ever be anything I can do to forgive what I did.” I tighten my arm around her waist, making her crush onto me. “But every single day, I’m going to show you how sorry I am. Every single day, I’ll try to right my wrong.”

“It’s okay,” she whispers, and those words kill me because this is who she always was. The kind and understanding woman I forgot she was.

“It’s not okay,” I snap, and her neck lifts higher. “It’s not okay,” I repeat softly. “None of it was okay. Nothing I did to you was okay, and you are going to stop saying it was okay.” I raise my voice, and her eyes open at me. “When I think back on what I said and the words that came out of my mouth, I’m disgusted with myself.”

“Charlie.” She moves her leg from between mine.

“Don’t you fucking say it.” I start to get angrier. “Don’t fucking say it.”

“Fine, I won’t say it.” She moves, and this time, she throws a leg over and sits on me. “Why won’t you kiss me?”

I put my hands on her hips, making sure she doesn’t move. “Because I don’t deserve you. Because you are the one who will have to make that move. Because I’ve already taken so much from you, I’m not going to take that also.” She’s about to open her mouth, probably to tell me it’s okay—which will piss me off more—so I put my finger on her lips. “Don’t fucking say it,” I hiss at her, and what she does next shocks me. She kisses my finger. “Autumn.” My hand falls from her lips.

“If I kiss you, will you kiss me back?” Her voice is so low, so soft. Her eyes search mine, her chest rising and falling as if she just sprinted here from her house. Her hands go to my face, her nails running through the scruff on my cheeks. “If I kiss you, will you kiss me back?” She puts her forehead on mine.

“If you kiss me, I don’t think I will ever be able to stop.” My hands trail from her hips up to her sides. “I took it for granted before,” I admit. “I didn’t take enough time those nights to commit it to my memory.” I don’t say anything else because her lips are on mine, her tongue sliding into my mouth, and it’s nothing, and I mean nothing, like I thought it would be. One arm wraps around her waist while the other rubs up her back, and my hand disappears into her hair. She moves her head to the side to deepen the kiss. Her hands move down to my jaws as she rotates her hips over my cock. The both of us moan into each other’s mouth, her hands move down to my neck as she lets go of my lips. My head goes straight to her neck, sucking in and then biting. “Charlie,” she says my name, and her head falls back. Her hands grip my shirt and pull it up. My hands move up to help her get rid of my shirt before my own hands grip her shirt and rip it off her, leaving her in the lace bra. My hands come up to cup her tits while my head bends, pushing the lace away from her nipple and taking it into my mouth. “Charlie,” she begs, her hips pressing into mine.

“I said I would hold you and that’s it.” I let her nipple go to look at her face, her eyes hooded over. “That’s all I wanted.”

“What about what I want?” she asks, her lips plump from our kiss. “What about what I want?”

I push the hair away from her face. “Tell me what you want?” I ask. “You are the one in charge.”

“I want you to touch me. I want to touch you.” Her voice is unsure and shaky.

“Then touch me, baby,” I urge. Her eyes drop to my lips as they part, and her hands, even though they have been on me more than once, touch my chest as if for the first time. Her eyes on her fingertips, she moves them from the middle of my chest and then up. “I need you to do something for me,” I say. Her hands stop moving over my body, her fingertips hovering. “Will you do one thing for me?” I ask, and all she can do is stare at me. “I miss your mark,” I say. “You bit me twice.” I move my hand to where her mark was. “Here, and it’s gone away. I want it back.” The need to have her mark on me so I know this moment happened has to be the strongest feeling I’ve ever felt.

“What?” Her eyes go from me to my chest and then back to my eyes.

“Your mark,” I repeat, “I want it on me.”

“Charlie.” She puts her hands down on my chest palms down. “That’s—”

“That’s what I want,” I say, “your mark on me.”

“But,” she says, “that wasn’t…” I lean forward, taking her mouth and kissing her, hard and wet.

I put my arm around her waist and turn her so her back is on the bed. “I need to taste you.” I push up her skirt and close my eyes when I see the matching lace panties she is wearing. My finger comes up as I rub it up and down over her, her wetness coming through the lace. “Is that for me?” She opens her legs for me, and I move the lace panties to the side, bending my head and licking her. The moment I taste her, and she feels my tongue, we both moan. Her hand comes up to run in my hair. I slide my tongue and finger into her at the same time, and she grips my hair in her hand and pulls it as she arches her back. My eyes watch her as my tongue slides out and licks up to her clit, flicking it with my tongue before nipping down on it and sliding another finger into her. Her pussy tightens around them as I finger-fuck her, wanting to push her to the edge but not go over it. “Are you close?” I ask, knowing she is almost there.

“Yes,” she pants out, and I pull my fingers out of her, but she doesn’t let my hair go. “No.”

“What do you want?” I ask, putting one of my hands beside her as she pants. “Tell me what you want.” She stares into my eyes as I slide my fingers back into her. “Is this what you want?” I ask, and she nods. “I’ll give you what you want.” I fuck her with my fingers faster and faster. “But you have to give me what I want.”

“Yes,” she mewls, and I know she’s so far gone she’ll agree to anything.

“You’ll give me what I want?” My thumb presses down on her clit, moving it side to side as my fingers stay buried in her.

My mouth covers hers as she kisses me with no control. She’s moving her hips to make my fingers move. “Charlie.” She lets go of my mouth, her hands going to my chest, her nails digging into it. “Move your hand.”

“Fine.” I pull my fingers out and then fuck her a couple more times. “But only if you give me what I want.” Her head moves side to side as I bury my face in her neck and bite her. “Give me what I want, baby.” I move slower now, rubbing my nose against her jaw.

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