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"We have a problem," Goldie said.
And the headache was back.
"Oh, which problem?" I asked, taking a tentative sip.
Goldie poured another cup and handed it to Esther. "Can you pour a little whiskey in mine?"
A cellphone dinged. Velma grabbed hers from her purse on the floor between the two front seats. "Oh, it's Carl," she replied. I swear I saw little hearts floating around her head.
Which problem could it possibly be? I was stuck with a chauvinistic asshat, or perhaps it was the feral cat. Maybe it was the pint-sized lush, or was it the nymphomaniac Amazon? Goldie was actually looking pretty tame right about now and that was saying something.
"Put that away, Velma. Carl can live without you for a few minutes longer."
Aunt Velma pursed her lips but put her phone away.
"What's the problem, Goldie?"
"Seniorita is having her girl parts pulled out and we need to go and be with her in the hospital."
JT was slumped low on the bench, his legs stretched out into the aisle, if you could call it that. He just sat there and drank his coffee, not even looking up at what Goldie just said.
"Seniorita? Isn't itSeñorita?" I wondered aloud.
"Actually, it's Tanya Kolanowski, but that's her roller derby name," Aunt Velma supplied. "She's the oldest woman on the Roller Dolls team, so it's a play on being a senior citizen."
I envisioned Esther with a helmet and knee pads out there on the oval course. "How old is this woman?"
"Forty-two and she's having a hysterectomy. Something weird's going on in there and the plumbing's got to go."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but why is that a problem?" My brain was still a little foggy, but the coffee was helping. A second cup would help even more. I got up to serve myself.
"We need to go to Fargo."
Now JT came alive. "Over my dead body."
"I have to agree with him on this one," I muttered.
The Dixie horn blared, making me wince.
"There's our ride!" Esther stood, dumping the cat onto the floor, where it padded unhappily into the bedroom at the back.
"Ride?" I asked, JT tipping down the metal blinds.
"Esther's grandson is loaning us his car so we can drive to Fargo."
"I thought he was going on the rodeo circuit?"
"Who'swe?" JT asked warily.
"Goldie, Esther and I," Velma said, picking up her purse.
I held up a hand. "Wait a second. Sit down!" I shouted, the ladies were fluttering around and driving me crazy. They all turned to look at me, probably more surprised I yelled with a hangover than at my cranky tone. "What am I to do with the RV? I'm not driving it to Omaha."No way in hell.
"You'll take JT to Sturgis, then drive from there to Fargo to pick us up."
"You want me to drive to Fargo, North Dakota. Are you serious?" The way they stared at me I knew they were.
"I actually like this plan. We can be in Sturgis by the afternoon." JT's color had improved and he was actually smiling.
