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I beg Rhett with my eyes to get what I’m saying, even though I’m not giving him much.
“There’s a fine line between fear and vulnerability,” he translates. “I have a new understanding of that these days. They live in the same place.”
“Yeah.”
“A real relationship requires a level of vulnerability you can’t give without ripping that lid off the box.”
“That. Exactly that.” I lean my head back. “I need some fucking nicotine.” Casey’s vape pen always had something candy-scented in it because he’s addicted to fucking sugar. He’s gonna end up with type II diabetes that way.
“Logan wants to go to The Foxy tonight. He wants to have an experience before he goes to college. Come with us,” Rhett says as if what I said wasn’t the equivalent of spilling my heart onto the table. I know what he’s up to. He wants to keep an eye on me.
“You’re going to take your man to a place where everyone will want to fuck him?”
“They can look all they want, but no touching.”
“You won’t last an hour.”
“Bet. Come watch the drama unfold. Casey will be there,” he says to combat the hesitation clear on my face.
“Which makes it a stupid idea. No.”
Rhett shrugs. “Suit yourself. But without you there, who’s gonna stop Doug Smith from touching his ass?”
My fingernails dig into the wooden bench. Now I’ll have to go, even if it’s just me creepily watching from some place of darkness in that disgusting bar, waiting to strike if anyone touches him. I meant what I said to Casey, I don’t want him—other than to fuck—but primal instincts have taken over. No one else gets to have him either. Not until I’m done with my fucked-up obsession.
“You can go to jail for inciting murder, Elkington.”
Rhett smirks. “Don’t be ridiculous. Elkingtons don’t go to jail.”
Itook a long shower. I went to Mom and Dad’s so that Mom could ream me out while Dad pretended not to watch from his perch in his leather La-Z-Boy. Ream me out is mildly putting it. She chased me around with a slipper until she got a few good whacks in. But then she forgave me for being a shithead, and squeezed the life out of me. I deserved her ire. I know better than to ignore her after what we went through with my other dad.
Isla threw her fifty-pound body at me. I gripped her around the waist, lifting her, while she tried to beat my shoulder in.
“Okay, scrapper,” I said. “Save those fists for the game.” Isla likes watching me play hockey, but she’s a ballerina to her core.
“Wat’cha all dressed up for?” She sniffed. “Cologne too?”
I put on a nicer pair of jeans than I usually do and boots. Switched out the leather jacket for a stylishly torn jean jacket. Guess it’s dressed up for me.
“It’s just aftershave. Goin’ out.”
“With who?” she singsonged.
“No one.” Nothing makes you more defensive than a ten-year-old girl accusing you of liking someone. And I don’t know what possessed me, but I pulled out my phone to show her a picture of Casey—just one in my collection of many—passed out on my bed. His dumb shiny curls were all over the place. His lips were swollen from me kissing them so much. Why does a hockey player have eyelashes that long?
“No one, eh? No One is cute.”
“Hey, you’re not supposed to think boys are cute.”
“For you, dumbass. Cute for you. I’ll probably marry a girl—girls are smarter.”
A girl can still break her heart just the same. I don’t want to think about her dating anyone for a long time. “Can’t argue with you there, sweetheart.”
I park a few streets away from the nightclub I still can’t believe Rhett’s taking Logan to, and walk my ass the rest of the way with hands in my pockets. I’m not planning on drinking—for once. Seeing the family knocked some sense back into me, which I knew would happen, which is why I avoided them in the first place. I’m cutting back on the sauce for the upcoming hockey season.
Why am I bothering to go at all? If I have to pick one reason, it’s to keep men away from Alderchuck. How do I spin that intologic? I don’t. It isn’t logical. I can’t follow him around twenty-four-seven, but I can be here tonight.
If I get to pick two reasons I … well my protecting people complex seems to have kicked in for Alderchuck. He’s here to get drunk, I know it, and what if something happens to him?
