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He does?
“You do?” Charles says.
Casey nods. “I can’t promise it’ll work. But I know some people, okay?” I raise a brow. Heknowspeople? “Shut the fuck up, Sutter.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Your face said it for you.”
Iremove his shirt and push him onto the bed. “Aren’t you full of fucking surprises?”
Charles convinced us to take the master bedroom. “It’s better that Mom stays downstairs,” he’d said. “I’ll use the pullout. I’ll call if I need help.”
I knew I’d sleep like a guard dog anyway, so I allowed it.
Casey props himself onto his elbows, watching me pull off my shirt. The chill air hits my bare skin. I can’t wait to be against him, being against him always burns so good.
“It’s what happened to my mom, Sutter,” he says. I pause my descent on top of him, switching course and taking my place beside him. I get under the covers. “The doctors aren’t exactly sure when the strokes happened, but they went unnoticed for years. Her symptoms weren’t as noticeable as they are with Mama West. In a way, it’s better they are. We can get her help. Maybe. It was too late for Mom by the time we realized what was going on. One day she had a big stroke, and that was it.”
His eyes gloss over. He bites his lip to stop it trembling.
My heart squeezes. I can’t stand his fucking pain. I pull him into my arms, but I don’t know what to fucking say. I picture it, though, what it must have been like for him, even though I don’t have the faintest clue.
“I’m fine, Sutter. I mean, yeah, it was the worst. The Goddamn worst. Watching my beautiful mother wilt and die. But it happened years ago, and Mom made it fucking clear that we’d better remember her during the good times or she’d haunt our asses like a fucking poltergeist.”
The more he says the worse I feel, but it’s not even my pain, it’s his.
“Sorry, babe. There’s nothing you can punch to make this one go away,” he says.
I kiss the crest of his forehead. No. But I can make him laugh like he does for me. “I was thinking that I wonder if your mom knows she drove you to getI Love Poutineinked onto your body.”
His laughter rumbles against my chest. “Who do you think came up with the idea?”
“At least I finally know who to blame for your insanity.” I inhale a gust of him. He’s so fucking brave—braver than I am. “I’m sorry I put you in this position. I didn’t know?—”
“Stop. Apologizing for things you couldn’t have possibly predicted is fucking stupid. It’s what creates anxiety—ask me how I know.”
“But this must have been triggering for you.”
“A little, but something I’ll never shy away from is facing demons head-on whenever they appear. And Sutter? Demons always appear when they’re least expected.”
“Agreed,” I say, a little shocked to death that we agree on something so big.
“Don’t like the part where I teared up in front of you so much, but if you dare bust my balls over it, I’ll … dammit. That’s not gonna work.”
“You were gonna say withhold sex, weren’t you? But then you realized that would be more of a punishment for you. Especially now that my dick is the only dick you get.” I comb my large fingers through his hair.
“I don’t know whether to be scared or happy that you’re beginning to know me so well.”
I lace my hand with his. “Thank you. You were fucking amazing tonight.”
“Is that a compliment? I’ve lost it. I’m hallucinating. I’m making myself an appointment alongside Mama West.”
I laugh some more and it’s a relief after all the heavy stuff. I get why it’s an Alderchuck family motto to make light of everything now. It would have been way too long with heaviness for them if not.
I need to take a page from his book. I know he said that I don’t have to tell him, but now I need to tell him as if it’s some dirty secret between us. I circle my arms around him and take in a gust of his scent for strength.
“I had to watch my dad die, too. I don’t know how they didn’t find me under the bed. Mom thinks they didn’t know to look for me…” I trail off and freeze up. “It was a break-in, a simplebreak-in. Nothing more. Just some guys trying to rob us. Guess they thought no one was home. They panicked and flipped out once they discovered my dad. If only we’d had more locks on the doors, maybe it would have given us a chance to call the police.”
