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Autumn barely shrugs, looking like a deer in the headlights.
“You didn’t think to ask?” I press.
Another lethal glare.
“I should have. My mistake.”
“It’s okay,” Autumn says again.
We make eye contact, and I don’t want to look away. I want it to just be us in the room again so we can finish talking.
Then my mother lets out a sudden, delighted sound and I turn to see her smile widen.
“Truly, I am sorry that it got away from me. I’dloveit if you were there. I’ll text you the details.”
Her change in demeanor makes me suspicious, but I accept the win.Ifthat’s what it is.
Autumn doesn’t look like she thinks so.
I watch as she finishes closing up. She sanitizes the front door, vacuums the rug at the entrance, and flicks lights off once she’s put everything away in the back. My mom pretends to be focused on the bags she brought in, but I can feel her attention on me.
I don’t care.
I want to wrap my arms around Autumn the second we step outside, but her words linger. I’m making it hard for us to be friends. I have to stop touching her.
She won’t even look at me. Following her all the way to her car, I’m silent. What else is there to say? We both know how difficult this is, but I can’t be the one to let it go. I can’t lethergo.
“I don’t think I’m capable of staying away from you,” she says, as if reading my mind. “Regardless of how bad it is.”
We’re on the same page there.
“It’s notbadthough, is it?” She looks up at me, confused, and I continue. “I want to be around you because it’s… great. It feels great. I smile so much when we’re together that my face hurts.”
A soft smile pulls at her lips, because I know she gets that.
“I guess it’s everything else that’s bad.”
Everything else includes the woman still inside the building.
“Are you okay?”
She still seems a little shaken, but I can tell she’s calming down. I lift my hand to place it on her shoulder, but I pullback before I do. Her eyes track my movements, almost seeming disappointed when they fall to the ground again.
“I’m okay. I think I get why she’s like that.”
“Care to share?”
Autumn shrugs. “Everything used to be so complicated, you know? I’m trying to see it through her eyes, and I’d probably not be my biggest fan.”
“But you haven’t done anything wrong.”
She doesn’t respond. I’m filled with so much sadness over what she carries around, how she sees herself.
“Come with me next weekend.”
She turns and puts her hand on her car door handle. I wait for her to pull, but she doesn’t. Her head falls against it, and she lets out an exhausted sigh.
“I can’t do that. I can’t go.”
