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Miles is definitely over my shit. I can see it on his face, hear it in every sigh. But he’s the only person that’s tried to be there for me during this whole mess. Theoneperson that’s made an effort with me over the last few months, and I’m so grateful for that. Grateful enough that I know I don’t want to experience what the end of his patience looks like. If I don’t leave, I know it’ll happen. At least if I do this now, on my terms, I can hold on to that. The fact that there is one single person in this world that never gave up on me.
“You okay?” he asks as he approaches, his brows scrunched in concern. His tall figure casts a shadow over where I sit, making me feel even smaller than usual. He’d hate knowing that, but it’s not his fault. It’s impossible not to feel small next to someone who feels so big. Not just physically, he’s bigger in the important ways. The ways that make you feel seen and heard.
I don’t know why he still bothers to ask, he knows that my answer has been the same for a long time. Ever since my breakup with his brother I haven’t come close to being okay.
After wiping the tears away and hoping I can keep more from falling, I finally look up at him. My face is surely all red and splotchy, giving him the answer. I just nod in response, because that’s the easy thing to do.
“She— um,” I motion towards the front door oftheirapartment. “She won’t let me in, but I was just hoping to grab my things.” The way my voice cracks makes me cringe.
I think Miles has always felt bad about the way his family has treated me. Bad enough that he offered up his spare bedroom when I told him my best friend, Jade, was moving across thecountry. I’d been living with her for years, and felt so lost when she broke the news. I had nowhere else to go, no family to fall back on.
He wouldn’t take any money for rent, so I gave him what I could, even if it meant sticking the occasional twenty in the dryer with his clothes. I’d clean the apartment while he was gone, cook the couple meals I knew how to make when he was there. Anything I could think of to thank him, I did.
I was also scared he would change his mind at any second, and start siding with his brother over me. It’s what their mom did, just flipped a switch one day. She was nice enough,tolerantenough of my overly emotional state, until she suddenly wasn’t.
I’ve thought maybe if I had something to offer Miles, he’d be less likely to toss me out when that day came for him.
Not that it mattered. That day never came, but it didn’t change my fate. His girlfriend did.
Kara didn’t come over to his place often, but she made me uncomfortable whenever she did. She was always glaring, always whispering. Very clearly onTeam Justin. It made me feel like I was dealing with high school mean girls all over again, except she was a grown woman in her twenties.
And then she moved in, because that’s what girlfriends do.
Miles was oblivious until the day it happened. I didn’t blame him, with his rose-colored glasses and all. He tried talking to her on my behalf, get her to understand my situation, but nothing changed her mind. They were arguing about it all the time, and I couldn’t stand being the reason. I wasn’t trying to complicate anything, I just didn’t have anywhere to go.
Even with that being the case, it got to the point where leaving was easier than staying. I’ve slept in my car for three nights so far, and it’s as miserable as I expected. I don’t sleep well. My neck hurts and I’m always cold. I’m even getting complaints at work, because I can’t manage to fake a smile for customers.
I’d been at work today, dejected and exhausted, when Kara texted me that I had thirty minutes to get my things out of their place. She also may have implied that they’d be in the dumpster if I didn’t meet her requirements.
By the time my job let me leave with an emergency, I was five minutes late and she wouldn’t let me in. I checked the trash, and was relieved when I didn’t recognize any of my belongings inside of it. A small mercy.
I don’t trust her. I’ve been sitting on the porch for an hour to make sure she doesn’t toss it. I’m not much of a fighter, but I’ll have to stop her somehow. I have nothing else to my name, it’s not an option to let it go.
I wasn’t sure when Miles was due home when I made the decision, but here we are.
“You still have your key, right?”
I pull it from the back pocket of my torn jeans, feeling a hole in there, too. I quietly thank the universe for not letting it fall through, and hand it over to him. I won’t need it anymore, but I wouldn’t put it past Kara to call me a liar if I lost it. I really hope she doesn’t make him pay to replace their locks because of me. He’s done enough already.
“I don’t think it would’ve gone over very well if I used it.”
He grabs it and takes a seat next to me on the ground, sighing on the way down. I can’t be sure if it’s because of her or me this time, but my gut feeling tells me it’s the latter.
For a few moments, the only sound between us is my sniffling.
Whydoes crying have to involve so much snot?
“Where are you staying?”
I shrug. “My car.”
“You can’t stay in your car,” he tells me like it’s a fact.
I let out a dry laugh. “It’s fine.”
“You’re going to freeze.”
I shrug again. There’s nothing to be done, but I don’t want to sit here and convince him of that. He’d only argue, probably try to help me some other way.
