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After I’ve scrubbed up, I check my phone, which died at some point overnight, surprised to see several text messages from Sarah.
Sarah: It was nice bumping into you yesterday
Sarah: Give me a call when you’re home
Sarah: It’s important
My brow furrows, a tiny thread of worry rolling through me.
Me: Hey, I’m home. Everything alright?
I finish changing, throwing on a pair of basketball shorts and a loose tee, then return to my phone when I hear it ring.
“Hey,” I say, answering when I see Sarah’s name. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good,” she replies. “You at home? I was thinking about swinging by. Or we could meet on Main. Maybe grab lunch.”
Sighing, I take a seat on my couch, rubbing at the stubble on my jaw. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why? Are you busy with Busy?” she says, a joking intonation to her voice. Then she laughs.
“Not right now, no, but I have plans tonight and I don’t really have the time right now.”
What I want to tell her is it’s not a good idea for us to spend time together anymore, but that feels harsh to do over the phone. Sarah and I might not be married, but I still care about her, and the last thing I want to do is cause her any pain.
“You’re serious.” She sounds shocked. “Are you guys like…dating or something?”
I waffle with how much to tell her. Things between Busy and I feel…tentative. Like there’s a foundation of something strong and sturdy being laid, but it’s still setting. I don’t want to get into that with Sarah, because…well, because it’s none of her business.
“Youare,” she replies when I take too long to respond. “What are you doing, Reid? I thought you told me you weren’t ever going to be in another relationship.”
“I did. But things change.”
It’s all I can think to say, because I don’twantto talk about this with Sarah. I want to talk about it with Busy. I want to tellherthe reasons why I’m going to let go of my decision to be alone. I want to talk toherabout the way my heart has changed since we met, why I’m going to stare my own fears in the face.
“What things have changed?”
It barely takes me a second to respond. “Everything.”
Sarah is quiet, and I wonder if maybe wedoneed to talk today, hash out a few final things before we both well and truly move on from each other.
“Look, Sarah…” I start, licking my lips and trying to figure out exactly what to say, how to say it in a way that doesn’t hurt her.
Though I’m not sure that’s possible.
“Can I just…come by?” she asks. “Please?”
Her voice sounds shaky, something I’ve rarely heard from Sarah in all the years I’ve known her. So I relent.
“Yeah.” I nod my head, though she can’t see me. “We can talk when you get here.”
“I’m leaving Main now. See you soon.”
Fifteen minutes later, I open the door and let her inside. I’m ready to get this over with, put the chapter of Reid and Sarah firmly in the past. Talking to her and getting lunch occasionally always felt like it wasn’t a big deal, but now it does. Now it feels like a desperate attempt to cling to the past.
Sarah stalks into my living room then leans on the back of the couch, looking at me with frustration, her arms crossed. “What’s going on, Reid? Something feels really different between us, and I don’t like it.”
“Somethingisdifferent, Sarah.”
